It's HUMPDAY! Grab a mic

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
It's HUMPDAY! Grab a mic
22
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:30am
tell a joke! a funny story!

Wake it, shake it Mony

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:36am

Those of you who are still working often ask me what retired people do with all their time.

Well, here's an example: Yesterday I went downtown and did a little shopping. After about 20 minutes I came out and discovered a cop writing a parking ticket.

I approached him and said, "Hey, give me a break. I'm just a retired person on a fixed income."

He ignored me, so I said, "Listen you Jerk, I'm talking to you!"

Then he proceeded to write another ticket for a bald tire.

When I called him a fat, dough nut-eating moron, he wrote another ticket.

So I continued to curse him out. And he continued to find more reasons to write tickets.

The windshield was full of them when I left.

When I got on the bus to go home there must have been 10 tickets on that windshield.

Like I care. It wasn't my car. It belonged to someone who had a "Bush/Cheney 2004" bumper sticker.

So now you know what I do with my spare time. I have a little fun everyday. It's good for my health.

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brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:40am

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--What do you expect from such simple
creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

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brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:47am

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied." Just for tonight, let's just pretend that we're married. "

"Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed!


"Good, " she replied... "Get your own

Wake it, shake it Mony

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:48am

==SMILE ==

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT? I could not believe this!!! Just try it!

It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so!!!

And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so. Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!

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brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 8:49am

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:01am

After years of milking cows with the traditional stool-and-squirt method, Farmer Giles finds he has enough money to order a high-tech milking machine. The equipment arrives a few days later and, realising his wife is out for the day, decides to test the machine on himself first.
After setting it up, he quickly eases his

Wake it, shake it Mony

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:50am
Morning st.... You're a comedian.... lol....

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:51am
Morning E.... That's good... hahahaha

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:52am
Of course I had to do it......lol.....

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:56am
Good morning BL....

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brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

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