Ladies please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Ladies please help
22
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 8:50pm
I need womanly advice as to how I can get my wife to be more sexually adventurous. She always says shes completely satisfied with what we do but Im like a fat man at a buffet I want to try it all. Ive asked her to try to come up with something she would like to try but she can't.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 9:47pm

Capture the heart and mind, not just the body. Reflex sex- arousal though the physical ie: touch - is what dominates most long term sex relationships, having lost the buzz of what it was at the beginning: psychogenic - involving elements of mind play, temptation, fantasy. If she's willing try to nurture the desire to reawaken/stoke up the latter more. Localised intense repetitive touching over a lengthy period of time can bring about heightened sensitivity that ignites the desire and eases relaxation to help explore fantasy - ie: rubbing nipples, playing with a piercing anywhere on the body. Concentrating on an area close to the face prevents a sense a disconnection occurring between partners too. It also allows more opportuinities to communicate verbally too (trying to whisper a long involved fantasy is really hard when he's a million miles away between your legs.) Stay close, touch with growing heat and find a fantasy to talk about where you are both comforatble with the subtext (eg, if talking about having a threesome make sure you know each others boundaries and address any insecurities too - tell her the other person s not a threat to your desire to her and why...). If you're lucky enough to bring her to orgasm, be aware that the female orgasm has a tendency to come in pairs - one waiting right behind the first - then a gap - then the same with a third and fourth etc. Be senstive to this and use fantasy talk and touching to fill the gap of recovery then try to bring on the next couple. Show her you can take her on a real journey with your fingers, cock, talk. Satisy a woman like this and she will feel safe and stimulated to be sexually open, exploratory and able to lose control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 10:43pm
Thanks sounds like it came from a book
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 11:12pm

Maybe she's embarrassed to tell you. How about mentioning that you each make a list of three things. Then swap lists and discuss everything that was written down. Agree on some or all and once a week pull one out of a hat/bowl and act on it. How long have the two of you been married? Is she comfortable communicating about sex?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 11:13pm

Hi and welcome wellanever. Nice to meet you.

Very interesting post there. Is this what you do? Are you married? In a relationship?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 12:48am
We have neem married for 6 years. She's a little uncomfortable about the topic. But she's tells me that she had a favorite way to have sex and she is content with doing it that way everytime. I've made mild suggestions but she's not interested. Makes me hesitant to go for anything too hardcore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 5:48am

So much can lurk beneath these things - importantly, how is relationship dynamic out of the bedroom? In what spheres does she take the lead and vice-versa? There are so many ways to build greater intimacy and create shifts in the way we make love with the same person but its about us understanding them, not faliing into the trap of wanting them to simply understand us. I guess its good to look at yourself too - and being seen to be making an effort can also help release someone else. Perhaps you can try a period of "letting go" a bit and immersing yourself in her way of doing things to develop a deeper appreciation of where she's coming from and whre she may like to take things? I tried this with an ex-partner who was not comfortable talking in bed and I had inadvertently made him more uptight by asking him if we could speak more. I felt it was fair to ask for this in no uncertain terms

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 7:07am
Hi and thanks for the welcome. Yes, that is what I do (appreciate it may not work for everyone but hopefully no harm in making suggestions - liked your ideas too! :-) ). I'm not married but have been in my current relationship for over 3 years and it is generally very united and passionate sexually through putting in the effort on both sides. We struggle a bit in other relationship areas of course! We had each had a significant relationship of about 7 years in our 20's (we met in our mid 30's) that had been sexually powerful and wanted to rediscover this side of ourselves. I remembered my early relationship as being electric because we had forged and made room to share 'a sexual world' together through a process of overcoming painful jealous feelings and discovering that they the things we found most threatening were also those we found most arousing. It was exciting and also the only relationship I'd previously regularly orgasmed in. My current partner and I think one of the elements making things work between us is that we have confronted our own jealous tendencies through fantasy. I digress. What about yourself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:31am

That's great! To find a partner that has some of the same common goals. Me, I'm married for almost 17 years and been together for 31.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:02pm

she's tells me that she had a favorite way to have sex and she is content with doing it that way everytime. I've made mild suggestions but she's not interested. Makes me hesitant to go for anything too hardcore.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 7:36pm
Very nice advice thank you. I guess in my head I imagine her being grossed out and not wanting sex at all. She was a lot more open to new stuff when we were teenagers so maybe she's got that adventurous side deep down inside her.

Pages