Laugh it UP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Laugh it UP
38
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:37pm

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?"

He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."




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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:04pm
Ooooooooo.... hahahahaha

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:18pm





Dear Abby,





I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?



brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:25pm

Oh my goodness.... That was too funny. I was not expecting that.....hahahahaha

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:26pm
OMG............ thats hilarious



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:26pm
I think Parmaker might appreciate that one!!!

brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:29pm
that was my thought exactly



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 10:43pm
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. you juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...

"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegtable?"

brcancerawrblnky.gif, breast cancer awareness blinky by Bette Campbell

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:49am
LOL. My friends would love this. I don't think the Chinese restaurant where we frequent would appreciate that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 12:11pm
LMAO!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: ivil_cindyd
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 12:12pm
Another good one to add to my repertoire.

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