Marital wild card?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Marital wild card?
29
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 7:34pm

Is this question appropriate here?

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 8:26pm

No it's not

I am going say I think it would and ONLY if protection is used at ALL TIMES when having sex with the other person,for the sexual relationship part of the marriage anyway,since the biggest marital problems has to do with infertility.

Even though we are not separated,I think that it would have helped mines alot,because she cut our sexual relationship off too early when I was just getting started so to speak.

Yes I think it would.I would have loved to live out a couple or two fantasies without consequences.We talked about these things early on in our marriage and I told her that she could and that I would like for her to,but she said that neither her nor me was going to do anything like this,because it would be wrong to do so.I just ONLY wanted to be with ONLY one other person and wanted her to do the same.No more than one

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 2:57am

A few days a year?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 9:54am
I think its completely fair to discuss.. And I think that this is not the first time I've read a question like it..

I have friend(s) that have what you might call an open marriage, but that is built way more on trust and safety, and there are no secrets about it, and they are very much in love..

I rather would like the idea of my spouse, if she was really attracted to/fantasized about something involving another person, to just come to me and say so.. I'm a firm believer in the "if you love someone set them free" school of thinking, so I not only trust her but would approve of her indulging a fantasy..

I wouldn't need to be there. I would need to know she was safe, in control, and had no compunctions about calling me or other help if something went bad.

I think its been part of some cultures in some way (and even in ours to a small degree ) to have geishas, or go to go go clubs, to have some kind of escape to that, although that has been very gender specific in the past.

I don't think it would ruin society.. but I don't know it would help with the divorce rate.. Even if it was truly a no fault one night stand, most of the problems in marriage seem to have sex / fantasy life problems as a symptom, not a root cause.

I think that you need to be careful when marrying, and marry someone whose views on things match up to yours more.. but it is hard to see to far into the future.. or predict how minds will change.. but as someone getting married, if you know your needs will not allow for monogamy, but you really do want to find the one, the one maybe needs to agree with you on that ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 11:33am

I think it might -- it would have both partners on their best behaviors!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 3:09pm

Hi Ivy. First I would like to say this is as good a place as any for this topic. You know we've talked about so many things here that had to do with just about everything under sun, both sexual and non-sexual. So, as far as I'm concerned, anything is game!

As to your question. I think it would have to depend on the two people in the marriage. They would have to be both strong mentally, (I guess that's the word I'm looking for.) They would have to have a mindset to not think about the time their partner spent with another person. If the partner thought the other person was more sexual, more fun, more beautiful, had a better body, etc. Me, personally, at this point in my life, I couldn't do it.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 6:23pm
howie,
I completely agree about the protection.

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 6:25pm
Alexod,
A few days a year might be good, but not on a schedule... unless that's what works for the couple.

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 6:44pm
Quix,
I thought my partner had the same idea as you, "I rather would like the idea of my spouse, if she was really attracted to/fantasized about something involving another person, to just come to me and say so.. I'm a firm believer in the "if you love someone set them free" school of thinking, so I not only trust her but would approve of her indulging a fantasy.."

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 6:45pm
Runningonempty,
I think that i would want to go back after the "rush and novelty".

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 6:47pm
Hey BL,
You are absolutely right, it would depend on the security of the individuals involved.

 


 


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