Need Help with my Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Need Help with my Wife
13
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 10:50pm
I guess like some men I have a fantasy of seeing my wife enjoy another man. I too am hopelessly average below my belt:) So to see her enjoy a larger man would be nice. For me it would be a chance to see my wife be a woman, to see her lust for something....to see her react and enjoy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 7:07am
Haveing her read this board is a good idea. Some women just dont know how to get their "sexy" out in the open. I think you talking to her is a good start. This is just my opinon, try to think of ways you can be different in the bedroom, sometimes the change will cause her to think different. Right now she sees you as her husband the man you have always been. Let me put it this way, have you ever been in a new relationship where everything is new, exciting and very hot? Many women will respond to different men in different ways, so if you are different maybe that might help. Please dont think I am saying you are doing anything wrong, I am just saying change it up a bit. As far as the fantasy, since you are married it maybe better just to keep it a fantasy. Unless the right situation presents itself, I wouldnt' go looking for it. There are just so many things that can go wrong when a partner has sex with another person. I had a 3some that was the begining of the end. I am sure you will have questions regarding my comments I will try to answer best I can. Hey welcome to the board
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 7:39am

Wow.. first let me say that i am impressed by the fact you want to see her with another man..... that is so rare... most

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 10:29am


Early on in my marriage my wife was really closed off as far as openly talking about sex.

PaRrIs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 2:02pm

thanks for the well thought reply:)

I will definitely try to change myself a bit as well. I guess I also mis stated my intentions. while this is a huge fantasy for me and i think I can handle if it actually happened, I'm content with it being in the fantasy realm for now and maybe always. But i want to try and get her into fantasy so that we can explore and have fun with it and maybe if someday she wants to try it for real, then we can explore that.
I liked how you mentioned how something new is hot and exciting, that one of the things I try to promote when I talk to her about other men. How electrifying it would be for her and me and the gentleman as well I'm sure.
Its so hard to get her to open up about fantasy. for the longest time she would tell me she doesn't have fantasies, which is something i just can't imagine:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 2:08pm
Well thanks:)...though for the record the fantasy of her and another girl was #1 on the list for a long time. But she just isn't into Girls and I find it much more exciting to fantasise about something that can actually happen.
She had larger BF's so the fantasy came from that. but I am content with keeping it fantasy, its just that getting her into fantasy is very hard. She doesn't want to talk or anything. the most she'll do is allow me to talk about it. But then I feel like " is she enjoying this? or humoring me" then i feel silly a bit.
and yes she is happy with my playing though I am very attentive and do satisfy her....i do tend to get a bit to excited:)....and perhaps not perform as long;)....buuuut....i really make up for it in other ways. but knowing she has had other men who were bigger and really enjoyed it, drives me crazy. in a good way though:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 4:49pm
It really is one of the mistories of life "how to get a person to open up sexually" or "how to open oneself up sexually". I know for years I kept my fantasies to myself. I think a lot of different things happend to help me open up. Maybe I will think about it and try to put it into words, maybe it might help. I wonder if any other woman on the board can put into words how they learned how to become more sexually open?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 6:42pm

"How do I get her to open up about fantasy? to feel comfortable to talk during sex? She loves sex but she is also so very stifled inside when its comes to fantasy"


If she is shy discussing fantasy would she feel more comfortable writing out her fantasies?


Can you take the initiative in starting the talk during sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 8:25pm

Hi and welcome mltmwk. Nice to meet you. Will you please fill in your profile so we can know something about you? Thanks! Stick around, the people here are great.


I think it's good that she comes here and reads some of the boards. But one thing that jumped out at me... This is your fantasy, not hers. She most likely goes along with you because it makes you happy. I'm sure it makes her happy too, but just not something she wants to do. You can't make her want to do it either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 8:03am

nhgal has nailed it .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 9:04am
I'll acknowledge...yes this is my fantasy, but I am also very open to any fantasy SHE would be interested in. It isn't a one way street with me. I'm trying to introduce her to fantasy because she claims to not have any. And I know she appreciates good looking well built guys and I am trying to let her feel comfortable fantasizing about that, and not feeling bad because she thinks of another man besides me.
And not all fantasies are made to be done in real life. And if it did happen it would have to be her total decision and perfect fit for us for where we are at that time.
Also important though that lets say your partner has a fantasy that you don't find particularly satisfying....that you do try your best to please your partner anyway. Its hard for people to admit a fantasy to a partner sometimes. In my case it was very hard to admit the fantasy, (how is she going to take it? is she going to think i am some freak?) and luckily for the most part she didn't think too badly of me or make me feel to weird. And she does try to accommodate me as much as she can. So i can't really complain. But it is very important i think that just because something isn't your cup of tea doesn't mean that your partners feelings should be made invalid. That said you shouldn't feel forced or anything either.

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