Need some advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Need some advice please
11
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 8:40pm

Recently my husband told me about his sexual fantasy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 12:48am

Oh, what a terrible position. Between a rock and a hard place.

You signed up for a monogamous marriage, he can't expect you to do anything other than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 3:50am

I have to admit that I also had this threesome fantasy and even dared discussing it with my wife (ex wife now)

However...I never dreamed of her acceptance or anything...it was just a fantasy and as such should have remained in my head..big mistake - wife was upset, of course.

YOUR man also made a mistake here. You have the right to refuse for all the reasons you can think of - all true.

Your man will be upset? maybe...and maybe he will look for sex outside but you have no choice here. You have to keep the marriage 'structure' as you see it. You should not be scared of loosing anything 'cause, as your man sounds you may have already lost him...sorry but you made the right decision. I wish you strength to go on even without him.

Divorce is NOT the end of the world when your partner does not fit YOUR needs.

(I have divorced myself, for other reasons though)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 9:13am

Alex pretty much made any point I would make........I just want to add, that is a pretty crappy thing he did, the way he phrased it.......almost like a threat. I just wonder if there isn't some underlying issues in general.......do you guys have more mundane sex, or is it more creative? How often?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 11:22am

Hi. You got some great advice from these guys. I just want to stress again that if it's not something that you want to do, then you DO NOT DO IT. Tell him point blank what you've stated here. That you believe sex in a marriage is between just the two people in the marriage. If he doesn't like that and keeps pushing the issue, I really see no choice. Sure, you don't want to lose your marriage, but you being yourself is top priority here.

Personally, I think he's a jerk for saying that if you say no he will be very disappointed. Let him be disappointed. Do not lower yourself to his standards. Stick to your beliefs.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 7:30pm

I feel for you, its not fair to have to make a choice of "yourself or your marriage".

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 11:49am

A threesome with two women seems to be just about every man's fantasy.

Tell him you will agree to a threesome with he and another woman only after you have a threesome with another man first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 3:16pm

See, I don't



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2011
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 12:10am

I have to say I agree with all pps. If it's not something you can be comfortable with doing and he insists on giving you an ultimatum, you have to decide if you can trust him with not going out on you and if the relationship is really that important to him. If he's willing to step outside the bounaries just to fulfill a fantasy maybe he isn't as commited as he should be.

I have had this come up with DH before and I was all for it...until we found a person to invite in. There has only been one person I would ever be comfortable with inviting into our bed but at the time it was not something we could get into. When it came down to it I ended up backing out. DH was completely confused and a little angry but he got over it. I felt that if we had gone through with it our lives wouldn't have been the same. I was right. It was a very steamy fantasy for us both and from the talking about it and searching for a third person we got really into sex with each other. It was some of the best we have ever had.

That doesn't mean though that all women feel the same way. If it's not something you feel you can do then by all means, do not do it. You can never be expected to compromise your own self worth to satisfy a fantasy that you don't share in. It was wrong of your DH to present an ultimatum to you and try to guilt you into agreeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 12:54am

You may or may not have already lost your marriage.

Half of hockey is mental, the other half is being mental.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2011
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 11:43am
If you feel that you'll lose him if you don't do it then maybe you should cut your losses. Stand your ground! If he wants to use this fantasy as taboo roleplay, something to talk about during sex or while giving him head or a handjob then embrace it and make it exciting. But if he demands it really happen, maybe you should show him how it feels...mention bringing in another guy.

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