Need some advice from some of the ladies out there please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2013
Need some advice from some of the ladies out there please.
6
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 4:19pm

First off,

Let me say that I am sorry if I posted this in the wrong place as I am not sure where else to place the question as I could not find a section on advice for the site. Secondly, I am sorry I posted on this site as I know it is mostly geared toward woman. After a long time searching sites where I could get some sex advice from Women this is the site that kept popping up. If this does not belong here please feel free to remove it and know that I meant no disrespect in placing this here on the site. I would also like to thank any ladies who take the time to reply to my question and give me advice on this matter in advance.

 

 I am going to try to keep this short and get into my question as quickly as possible, but the background is basically this. I am in my early 30's and have a disability. I am currently in a relationship with a person that I love very much and we are still going strong after several years. Now, because of my disability I have problems with being on top when we have intercourse. My problem is that I am always in pain when I am in that position and that gives me two choices. The first is that I can try to focus on the sensation of what I am doing to block out the pain. The problem with this is that I focus too much on the pleasure of what I am doing and end up getting there way before she does which leaves her unsatisfied and me very frustrated. My second choice is to try to not focus on the pleasure and take my mind somewhere else but if I do that then I suffer from taking my mind too far away from the action and (trying to find a way to say this without sounding perverted) I can not stay "ready for action" and end up suffering from ED which leaves us both frustrated. When she is on top I do not usually have this issue.

Now this would all be fine and everything but I know that she has a fantasy about being dominated. I have had some thoughts on how to fullfill this fantasy for her while still working around my physical limitations but I do not know how it would turn out. (please keep in mind when I describe this it is all roleplay. I would never really do this to her in real life or any woman for that matter.) My thought was maybe to tie her up and get her all hot and bothered and maybe start with me on top.  Then before I have my problem where I get too excited I stop and do some other things to her while she is tied up. Maybe use some toys or give oral sex. While I do this I am going to snap pretend pictures on my phone. Then I am going to tell her that I am going to untie her and that if she does not do exactly what I say I am going to publish the pictures on the net for everyone to see  (AGAIN PLEASE NOTE: I am not really doing this and would never really do it. It is all for the purposes of the roleplay. I would never really do this to any woman) This way I am blackmailing her "in terms of the roleplay" and taking all of the control away from her even though we would be working around my physical limitations.

 

That way she can have her fantasy of being dominated without everything being ruined by my disability. I am just not sure if I should try to go with this or I should keep thinking on it. I know ultimately it would be up to her, but I kind of wanted the opinion of some other women who like this same thing before I even brought it up to her. Is this the kind of thing that would get other women all hot and bothered or am I batting 0 here and need to go back to the drawing board?

 

Thank you in advance for any advice you might give me 

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008

I think you are totally on the right line of thinking on how to fulfill her fantasy within your physical capabilities.  I'm sure just being tied up and having you do things to her will be a big hit.  Are you able to stand next to the bed with her laying on it?    Do you have more pain with leaning over her, is it possible for you to be in more of a kneeling position versus laying on top of her?  I'm not sure what you are capable of doing and wanted to throw out some suggestions. 

I"m sure that she'll be thrilled with what you are planning, have fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2013

I will give some of these suggestions some thought thank you. I will have to try the leaning position but I can tell you that I am not able to stand without some type of support. Thank you for actually replying to this thread. I was beginning to give up hope that anyone would.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006

I think what you've written here sounds fine. She knows about your disabilities and I'm sure would just love whatever you come up with. Spend more time with foreplay on her a lot before you get your turn to get off.

But as with anything like this, it's always much better to talk to the actual partner you're going to be with so the two of you are on the same page with things. Good luck,.

quietman20001 wrote:
<p>First off,</p><p>Let me say that I am sorry if I posted this in the wrong place as I am not sure where else to place the question as I could not find a section on advice for the site. Secondly, I am sorry I posted on this site as I know it is mostly geared toward woman. After a long time searching sites where I could get some sex advice from Women this is the site that kept popping up. If this does not belong here please feel free to remove it and know that I meant no disrespect in placing this here on the site. I would also like to thank any ladies who take the time to reply to my question and give me advice on this matter in advance.</p><p> </p><p> I am going to try to keep this short and get into my question as quickly as possible, but the background is basically this. I am in my early 30's and have a disability. I am currently in a relationship with a person that I love very much and we are still going strong after several years. Now, because of my disability I have problems with being on top when we have intercourse. My problem is that I am always in pain when I am in that position and that gives me two choices. The first is that I can try to focus on the sensation of what I am doing to block out the pain. The problem with this is that I focus too much on the pleasure of what I am doing and end up getting there way before she does which leaves her unsatisfied and me very frustrated. My second choice is to try to not focus on the pleasure and take my mind somewhere else but if I do that then I suffer from taking my mind too far away from the action and (trying to find a way to say this without sounding perverted) I can not stay "ready for action" and end up suffering from ED which leaves us both frustrated. When she is on top I do not usually have this issue.</p><p>Now this would all be fine and everything but I know that she has a fantasy about being dominated. I have had some thoughts on how to fullfill this fantasy for her while still working around my physical limitations but I do not know how it would turn out. (please keep in mind when I describe this it is all roleplay. I would never really do this to her in real life or any woman for that matter.) My thought was maybe to tie her up and get her all hot and bothered and maybe start with me on top.  Then before I have my problem where I get too excited I stop and do some other things to her while she is tied up. Maybe use some toys or give oral sex. While I do this I am going to snap pretend pictures on my phone. Then I am going to tell her that I am going to untie her and that if she does not do exactly what I say I am going to publish the pictures on the net for everyone to see  (AGAIN PLEASE NOTE: I am not really doing this and would never really do it. It is all for the purposes of the roleplay. I would never really do this to any woman) This way I am blackmailing her "in terms of the roleplay" and taking all of the control away from her even though we would be working around my physical limitations.</p><p> </p><p>That way she can have her fantasy of being dominated without everything being ruined by my disability. I am just not sure if I should try to go with this or I should keep thinking on it. I know ultimately it would be up to her, but I kind of wanted the opinion of some other women who like this same thing before I even brought it up to her. Is this the kind of thing that would get other women all hot and bothered or am I batting 0 here and need to go back to the drawing board?</p><p> </p><p>Thank you in advance for any advice you might give me </p>



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005

I think you are off to a good start, those things you both agree to is a start and will work for both of you. Then don't forget you can dominate by what you say, what you tell to do or don't do and when to do. Have fun and both enjoy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2013

Yes, that's a good start.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-1999

First off, there's no need to keep apologizing here. Nothing you've said makes you seem perverted or weird....I mean, HELLO, have you read some of the stories here? So...relax. Also, there's no need to over-explain the fact that this is just for roleplay. MANY people do this kind of roleplay. There's no need for you to feel weird about it or embarrassed.

Now my idea for you is that you could be on the bottom for your comfort, but still in a dominant role (being on the bottom does not necessarily make you submissive), by having her hands bound, but "ordering" her to do your bidding, you become the dominant one. Maybe if it's comfortable for you, prop a bunch of pillows against the headboard/top of the bed, so you can be upright, yet still not on top. Would that work, or would it be uncomfortable for you? Then maybe you could pretend (okay this may sound cheesy) like you're a mob boss, gang-banger, crooked business man....whatever, and she's some gal that you've taken hostage as like a sex slave or something, and you can have her hands loosely tied and maybe even a blindfold. Then "order" her to perform oral sex, tell her how you want her to do it.....then "order" her to stradle you, etc.....Maybe even talking really rough and dirty to her. A lot of women love it when men use filthy language with them. Trust me. Maybe ask her though if it's okay to talk dirty to her, and also how nasty is acceptable to her. Does this help at all? 

Good luck! And don't hesitate to come back if you have any questions. Please let me know if this helped!