submissive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
submissive?
36
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 5:55pm

Ok I know this is the place to ask. I know I have my ideas of what being a collared submissive is but can someone give me more information on this? I was just wondering and I know this board has a ton of information. Please fill me in and thank you ........

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 8:53am

Yes, our son means the world to us, so it is our first priority to pretect him from this. He will find out about sex early enough, and one day (a logn time from now lol)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 9:59am
Thank you for being so open it is helping me undersand more. Now lets just look outside for a second, I know you are in a good relationship, the part that scares me is: because of the emotional submission ( and you kinda stated a little bit about that) it seems it would be hard to break away from the relationship . It seems in away he has a control over you and God forbid things went wrong, it seems like it would be very hard for you to muster what would be needed to leave. I guess it scares me for a man to have that much control over me. I am not saying this about your relationship at all just
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 10:01am
Sister, do you feel as a woman you are an emotionaly strong person but choose to submit to your Master Or do you feel you are naturally a submissive person?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 10:28am

You ask alot of very valid questions, questions you should ask before embarking on such a journey, and I don't mind answering them at all. For me, the emotional submission is very important. The orgasm denial games, the repremanding for wrongdoings, the mental manipulation. It is all incredably intense, and the trust between the sub and the Dom is all important before even thinking about entering a D/s relationship. I of course have a safe word to use, but I have actually never used it. It does make you increably attached to a person, but, and this may sound strange, but it has made me a much stronger person than I ever thought I could be. Especially emotionally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:14pm

Lori, I hope you don't mind me weighing in on your questions from a Dominant's perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:20pm
Lothiriel, you have shared such a good insite! I really appreciate your wisdom!!!!!!! What are some of the right and wrong reasons why two people would enter into this type of relationship. I know that is a hard question but if you can try to answer. I believe you have some wonderful insite....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:29pm
Steve thank you so much and I appreciate your post! Not on this board but I imagine many times like you said being the dominate one could be very missunderstood or even judged. I thank you for being so open. Now you explained how the sub can really be empowered, can you try to explain that to me? Also you being the D what do you get out of it? How does that effect you? I am begining to understand (thanks to you both) how the level of trust and intamacy is taken to a higher level and is more intense. Were you and your wife in a vanilla relationship before or have you always had a D relationship? If you have always been in a D relationship, when did it first start? How did you come to realize this is what you desired?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 4:53pm

I am a naturally submissive woman. I've been submissive all my life and have had submissive sexual fantasies as far back as I can remember. However, I didn't get to "indulge" in my fantasies or be in a D/s relationship until I was almost 40. I was in a vanilla marriage for 10 years before being with my Master. I supressed a lot of myself in that marriage. It was an abusive one and I lost myself completely. So when I was finally able to escape from it I decided that when I found another man I would have what I really wanted and needed: a D/s relationship. I began to read books (both fiction and non-fiction) so that I would have an idea of what I wanted. But it was two more years before I got onto that path, when someone suggested that I go on the Internet. I began to read websites and went into chat rooms to talk to people who were into the lifestyle and that is where I met my Master.


While I am naturally submissive, I chose to submit to my Master. There were many men I could have submitted to, but I chose Him because He was the one who was able to give me what I wanted and needed. There are many kinds of Doms, just as there are many kinds of subs (based on people's individual personalities). You choose a Dom just as you would ues any other man: someone able to fulfill your needs, whom you can get along with, whose personality fits well with yours, who has the elements you want in a man, etc.


I am an emotionally strong woman now, but I wasn't when I first met Master. My ex was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive towards me (he was also an alcoholic/drug addict). I got away from him by literally running for my life after he attempted to kill me. So I had built a wall around me so that I wouldn't get hurt again. Master immediately sensed that I was emotionally holding back from Him. He knew that if He wanted a relationship with me that He would have to be the one who pursued me and He did just that. Little by little He began to break down the wall around me. He knew that if He pushed too far that I would just run away. There are still some scars from that first marriage and I will say something about my ex and Master will gently remind me that He is a different man from my ex. I was absolutely terrified of my ex, but I have never once been fearful of my Master. Yes, there is an element of fear within O/our relationship, such as when I'm bound and blindfolded and He's holding the whip, but that is a good fear, one that only fuels my desire, I have never once felt that He was going to intentionally hurt me or cause me pain that I did not ask for.


Master has helped me to grow within O/our relationship. I am a completely different person than I was in my first marriage. I could not imagine not being a submissive or not be in a D/s relationship. I will never go back to vanilla.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 5:05pm

My interest in it goes way back. The very first time I had a naked woman in my bed, many years ago, the thought crossed my mind that she would look even more beautiful if she was also tied up.


I was in a relationship many years ago that was headed towards being a lifestyle relationship, before we realized that once we got out of bed we didn't actually have much in common, and didn't much like one another, and so we ended it.


My relationship with DW does not have those issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: hotallthetime
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 5:59pm

Great insite, it has really helped me understand a lot more. Was your wife hesitant at first? Is this something she first chose to do to please you? I imagine it is something she likes now or she would not allow it. I do understand about soul mates. Please forgive me for not knowing this but how would you take it out of the bedroom? Do you mean like every day decisions?


Have you ever left marks on your wife that someone might see? I am thinking about summer time when we all tend to wear less clothing. Just wondering. Do you feel that you need to always push the limits harder trying to out do the last encounter?

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