Taking on the dominant role.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Taking on the dominant role.
11
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:24pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, we are both each others first sexual experience and first serious relationship (we're in our twenties). We used play around with the idea a lot before we had sex that I would dominate him and do all kinds of things to him and he found it a complete turn on to be dominated. I've always been a take charge, dominant kind of person in real life and assumed that's how I'd be in bed. Well, it's the complete opposite and after two years of us being in a sexual relationship, he stated that he was disappointed that I wasn't a take charge kind of person in bed (though our sex life is good otherwise). Now the thought of it just doesn't appeal to me, but I want to be able to change up and not do the same things in bed. What can I do to

~*The One and Only *Kiya*~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:37pm

Hi and welcome vanityaffaire. Will you please fill in your profile so we can know something about you? Thanks! Stick around and jump in anytime. The people here are great!


When you've discussed this before, what kinds of things were talked about? What does he want done to him? If it doesn't really appeal to you anymore, I think you need to express that to him. I don't really have any info to give you, but there are others here that are more into this and I'm sure they'll give you some great advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:53pm

Hey there and welcome to the boards!


I am very much like you are, very dominant in everyday life, but a complete submissive in bed. My DH and I ventured into BDSM several years back. He as my dominant and myself his submissive. It has been the most wonderful thing in the world for us. But, (and here comes my 'safety spiel' lol) The first thing you two need to do is talk it out.( and settle on a safe word)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 3:11pm
I remember at times steve and maybe you and sister, had mentioned a book The Good boys guide to", is there something like that for women that you could maybe recommend that would help somewhat?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 3:44pm
There's a website....Steve always recommends it - there's one for men and one for women...you know my memory is shot!
livelaughlove












iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 3:54pm
Its "the good girls guide to domination"....but the url for the website escapes me at the moment...

Lothiriel


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Our psychological reality, which lies below the surface, frightens us because it endlessly surprises us and drives us in a direction which society's rules and organizations define as wrong or dangerous


~Anais Nin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:55pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 5:09pm

Thanks tami!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 6:18pm
Thanks Tami!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 7:56pm
I'm not a big fan of being a dominatrix in bed either, but my husband loves it so I do it a fair amount for him. I've found that one I get started and into it, I can usually end up turning myself on and enjoying myself in bed. What works the best for me is to think of dominatrixes or seductresses I've read about in fiction who have turned me on. Then I can start to emulate them and get into a fantasy in my head that we both enjoy. If you don't have anything you can think of that you like, I'm sure you could google dominant female sex stories on-line and find some stories to read. If you go through several, you'll probably end up finding at least one that you can enjoy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 9:15am
Tami to the rescue!











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