What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
What would you do?
12
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:09am

Let me preface this by saying that I don't spy on hubby, but I did come across an alarming chat session that he didn't close when I got on the computer the other day. First of all, I don't know who he was chatting with, but he was discussing this long-time fantasy of his which can't come true. He said that he often wishes that he were born a woman!! He also said he never wants to dress in drag, or even contemplate having sex change surgery since it wouldn't be "real" to him. He has apparently been fantasizing and obsessing over what it would be like to be born a girl, to grow up being treated as a girl, feeling what it's like to wear high heels, pantyhose, etc., to feel what it's like to have your boobs come in and to need to wear a bra (I would gladly trade him that, haha), and to basically experience life as a female, and to be made love to as a woman by a man.

I'm kind of floored by this and not sure what to think. What do you make of this, and what do you suggest I say or do?? Have you had this experience before? Personally I've wondered, in passing, what it must be like to be a man although I certainly don't give it much thought. Thank you so much for any insight you may have to offer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 11:49am

As a guy who has thought about this alot, I can tell you there are several reasons.

1. The womans body is very intriqueing. I wonder what it would be like to be a woman, to have breast, and a vigina. To think like woman, to feel like a woman. There is wanting to know what it is like to be a woman, what make a woman tick.

2. To dress like a woman is also fasinating. Women can dress like men and it is no big deal it is acceptable. But for a man to dress like a woman is not. it is the taboo thing going on here.

3. Growing up female is the curousity what it is like to be the opposite sex. Being made love to as a female is wanting the knowledge of how to bring a woman to orgasm, or how it is be able to keep going after one or two sessions of love make and still able to keep on going and wanting more.

I would suggest bringing this up in one of you love making sessions when you are talking about fantasies. Ask have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a female. If he says yes then roll with it if he says no move to something else. If he ask why say you read that many men wonder what it would be like to be a women when having sex. you will not be liying because you read it here.

This is one of the many fantasies my DW and explore during our love making sessions.

Sometimes we go one step further and she uses a strapon on me, which I really love. She knows I am very bi-curious and I fantasize about being a she-male, or a female and even a hermaphordite. The last is my favorite.

One last thing, chat are usually a place where people really let go and say things they would not ordinarailly say to a person face to face. My DW has been very warm and welcoming to my fantasies. She also understands that due to our position they will not become a reality. But she is open if that does changes. I am also open to her exploring her fantisies and making them a reality if the oppportunity presents itself. So, beware what you open you might get more than you ever wanted.

Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 8:24pm

I agree with that end part - Don't ask if you aren't sure you actually want to know!!!!!


Ever think he left that chat up on purpose?

MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 8:30pm

One thing you could try might be to "forget" to have all his underwear laundered. When he's out of boxers or briefs, you could "offer" him a pair of your panties. If he says no right away, tell him it's OK with you and that it'll be your little secret. Little does he know, that you know his secret. If he gets them on, don't forget to rub him all over. If he gets excited (chances are he will) this will reinforce his acceptance. The question will really be, can you accept this?

Remember this was a fantasy, and not all fantasies make for great reality. But you could at least have a little fun along the way. If it's something you think you both want to continue, I can refer you to a couple of sites of men and women experimenting with this.

Let us know how it goes.

Jeff

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 3:30am

Welcome to the board, skirtgirl.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 9:26am

Yep - I'm with Jazz on that one except for one thing: Maybe ask him to "share" it with you rather than "explain". I guarantee that will make him more comfortable... he won't think you are judging him but rather that you just want to be a part of that part of his life.


Let us know how it goes!!


Jennie

MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 11:50am
Thank you all so much for your input! I guess I'm nervous because I don't know if he would want me to know about this part of his life. That was a great idea that he may have left the window open on purpose, but I would be so surprised if that were the case. I feel like one side of me doesn't want to find out because I have always been very girly and attracted to the self-assured, strong, protective man. To think that, deep down, his deepest desire is to have been born and grow up as a girl, get his (her) period, wear a bra and have boobs, wear pantyhose and skirts and high heels, be taken to prom as a pretty girl, be made love to by a guy (this is ALL from his chat), would kind of shatter my view of him to think that he envies me more than he wants me (I hope that makes sense.) This doesn't mean that I wouldn't still love him, because I do and I would, but I think I would feel very differently. I'm still at a crossroads with this. Maybe I'm making too much of this, but based on everything he expressed, wowwie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 12:20pm

Hi Jazz,

I'm sorry, I forgot to answer your questions. My DH is 30 and he's never been to therapy. We have 3 happy, healthy kids and he is a very good provider and father to our children. Not that there is a true definition of "normal," but he is what most people would probably refer to as a "normal" guy. He also has never tried to wear women's clothing (at least that I've seen) and has never made a reference to me about wanting to or reversing roles. Hopefully this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 3:35am

It's possible this is all just a fantasy or curiosity on his part.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 3:23am
I didnt start having similar fantasies until recently, but I do now. I have discovered in my wonderful marriage that my lady is so much more than I in so many ways, but most obviously in the variety and intensity of her orgasms. In sex, I always feel at least a little like the penetrator, the user, while she opens her bbody, inviting me inside to give me pleasure. I woulld love to be a woman for a night, to feel the beauty and variety of clothing that can adorn such a lucious figure, to have the intutition and loving gifts she has, and to be the lover that opens to another, and takes him inside.
Its not at all a sign of something wrong, its a sign I think of openminded sensuality that a person can want experience or just be curious about all sides of sexuality
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 3:07pm
Well that makes me feel so much better to hear that perspective; I hadn't really thought of it that way. A little curiosity is good (I've thought about what being a guy would be like before, on occasion) but not to the point where I was fantasizing about growing up as a guy, having a penis, having sex with a woman, etc. Have any of you other guys out there fantasized about having been born a girl or swapping bodies with a woman before? Thanks so much for the input!!

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