when to draw the line ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
when to draw the line ?
22
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 1:02am

First, I am new here. I finally got the nerve to "join the club", as it seems there are some wise and experienced people here. :-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:37am

As you already know, no one can tell you the magic point of no return here.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 9:36pm

There are lots of different types of people in the world and that includes people who want sex and then there are those who do not place a high importance upon sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 11:19pm

okay folks.....wow, I never imagined all these insightfull respones, especially in the "wrong" message board area..LOL


I promise to fill out my profile in more detail tonight :-) ( be careful what you wish for :-) LOL)


i do appreciate everyone's input very much ! maybe some further info( as being a "newby" I was reserved in offering info) might answer some of your Q's...and even change your opinions...We shall see....


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 10:56am

My response is in two parts the first being to your original question and the second hoping to offer some insight in the matter of a child and cheating and divorce.


I am sympathetic to your wife in certain ways really; I too was raised catholic, sexually assaulted, convinced that oral sex was disgusting and that only wanton women initiated sex, I also have an awful gag reflex. However, I think it is utterly ridiculous for her to fene these as excuses if she is perfectly fine receiving oral sex. Personally that thought still gaffs me more than giving, but that is my own personal idiosyncrasy. My point being that she cant rationally cite any of the aforementioned things as excuses for not wanting to give. And I wish that I could offer some advice as to what changed my perception and outlook, but you've already done everything. Offering a safe environment, being open and non judgemental, offering positive reinforcement. I would suggest counseling but it seems that if she is unwilling to offer anything beyond not liking it to you, she is not going to be particularly receptive to going and discussing it with someone else; but I'd at least offer it, not only for her and your relationship, but for your own peace of mind that you did all you could. Someone else had asked about her fantasies- this might be a good way to understand where she is coming from as well, if she is willing to offer any information. Maybe it is a question of control with her, she doesn't like the vulnerable position that oral sex puts her in. Or perhaps its as another suggested that she is just a nonsexual being and could lead a totally healthy happy life without sex. Whatever the case may be only you can determine when you feel you have put in enough effort to resolving these

Chatte

You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners. - Sir Harry Swanson

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 3:34pm

You won't get any judgement from me on the cheating. It's an individual decision that's made and one that the person has to live with.


Has she ever seen anyone in regards to her date rape years ago? Granted it was over 20 years ago, but it could still be affecting her. As for her gag reflex, I have to same problem. Could it be that she's worried about you getting off in her mouth? Ask her. Tell her you won't do that. Let her know when you're close and she can finish you off with her hands.


I do think that even though you were both raised Catholic, (as was I), it's different for a woman. We were taught that sex is only for procreating, oral was only what "bad girls" did.

witch2copy.jpg picture by nhgal2006


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 3:38pm

Hi and welcome chatte. Nice to meet you. Stick around and jump in anytime. The people here are awesome!


You've given some good advice!

witch2copy.jpg picture by nhgal2006


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 8:56pm
Thanks! You all are quite lovely and I figured it was time I quit lurking...its only been 5 years or so lol

Chatte


You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners. - Sir Harry Swanson

Chatte

You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners. - Sir Harry Swanson

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 11:23pm

OMG........ you lurked for 5 YEARS?????????

Oh well..... you are out of the closet now, and there is no going back!

Welcome Welcome Welcome

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 12:17pm

Well, again I thank all for

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 1:32pm

Hey there!

Many of us here (myself included) have faced this same situation and have managed to work through it, or are still struggling with it. You will probably find this is the most open and supportive board around. Once you are in, we treat you as one of our own. Feel free to continue to open up. Not much in the way of people judging around here hon.

Cin

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