Will this help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Will this help?
5
Sat, 07-26-2008 - 9:49am
I am dating a man whom I like very much but I don't find him all that sexually attractive. He's older, very much older, for one thing, and for another, he's rather out of shape. I'm very fit. On the other hand, we have a great deal in common, very many things. He'd make a good husband but for the lack of desire on my part, which he knows about, because I've come out and told him. It's almost as if he doesn't care, but I know he's hurt by my lack of desire. He knows that I'm bisexual and have a few friends with whom I have sex. He's asked me if he could participate by simply watching. He's a dear sweet very intelligent man and completely charming. I'd like to be able some day to have desire for this man. I am thinking that his being there while my girlfriend and I have sex might help my feelings for him. What do you think?
Cunégonde
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sat, 07-26-2008 - 7:47pm
IMO, either you have *it* for the guy or you dont.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Sat, 07-26-2008 - 8:06pm
I have to agree with raging. How long have you been dating? Has marriage been discussed? Having things in common except sex could be a very bad thing down the road. You may both grow to dislike each other, because you'll be wanting sex and will get it from others and that may really bother him. Then what?

hd0906-1.gif picture by nhgal2006




28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Sat, 07-26-2008 - 10:12pm

Yeah...I gotta agree with the other here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Sun, 07-27-2008 - 4:42am
Yes, I see your points. We've been dating since late December 2007, and yes he's asked me to marry him, and while marrying him would make me very comfortable and secure financially, I'm not about to just leap in. I want to emphasize that we do get along in all other ways but this one. We have sex and it is only just fun and experimental, never thrilling. On the other hand, the sex with him is far better than the nothing I got when I was married. I was just thinking that, if he can be tolerant of my affairs with women and without jealousy, maybe I would enjoy being married to him? We do have so many things in common. But I won't rush into this. I want to date more men, and he knows that, and I've told him. I'm amazed he's not jealous at all of me going out with other men.
Cunégonde
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 07-28-2008 - 7:30am
So, you've only been dating for 7 months. How long have you known each other? There is more to life than being financially secure. If you do decide to marry him, first you need to sit down and discuss everything until you're both blue in the face. How would he really feel about you being with others?

hd0906-1.gif picture by nhgal2006




28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006