14 years after the break up....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
14 years after the break up....
3
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 12:45am
What on Earth is wrong with me?

I have recently had a close look at my life (I'm turning 31 in a few months).

At the age of 16, I lost the high school sweetheart.... and it was probably the messiest thing I've ever heard of. I've never heard of such a nasty break up in my entire life.

I _never_ ended up really dating again. I've had a few girlfriends in the time since then. However, there have only been 2 of them in that time. 2 girlfriends, that is. There have been 6 different, shall we say "one night stands".

Anyway, have you ever heard of someone having such a nasty breakup that it ruins their life? For 14 years?

Also, for what it's worth, I've been emotionally healthy for the last 10 years. Recently, I've had a depression come down on me that doesn't seem to be going away. It's been here for about 6 weeks and has had 2 highs during that time. I'm worrying about bipolar coming on (again). But I haven't had a clinical depression for 10 years!!! I've had normal downs when life treats me badly, but nothing like this 6 week pit I've fallen into.

Ah, another thing - when dating, I'm one of the weird guys out there who refuses to have sex. I've been burned too many times with women just packing it up and leaving after the sex starts. In our modern culture, this is weird, but it's a helluva lot easier on the heart when breakup time or, "Lets just be friends," comes.


Edited 5/7/2004 12:48 am ET ET by rattyboy420

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:39am
What's been keeping you from a relationship? Memories that are 14yrs old? Or have the women just not been what you are looking for? What ARE you looking for? If you are depressed or have bipolar, does that make it harder to have a relationship for you or the other person? Do women leave after sex because they don't enjoy it with you or have you ever ask them why?

Ok, break from the 20 questions routine. If you are suffering from depression, I understand that as I am too. There is a site, www.maledepression.com that might offer some support and guidance for you but the depression board here could help too. I'm just getting out of a relationship of 7yrs, so I can see how it's hard to open up to people when you have emotional scars/baggage. Anyway, if you reply back maybe we can discuss this more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 5:29pm

I guess I'm having a hard time imagining how "nasty" a break up could be for a 16 year old??

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 5:34pm
I would say 14 years is as normal as any other amount of time to still be mourning if the circle hasn't been broken... I mourned my first love for 10 years. I strongly believed he was my soulmate and never let anyone else get close to me - if you create your own pain, how could anyone else hurt you? Turns out that at the same time on opposite coasts, he believed another girl to be his soulmate in the same passionate way I had always believed him to be mine. She was killed a few months later and I was soon "looked up" and provided with closure when he told me that he would never again love anyone the way he loved her - he has never dated again out of some self-sacrificing attempt to prove to a ghost how much she means to him. I realized at that moment that we were both fools, throwing away our chances at happiness by holding on to a romantic notion with no basis in reality. There is no single "soulmate" or else he must have had two to lose. My 10 year cloud of depression lifted when I finally let go of the belief that self-sacrifice is a necessary proof of heartache. Soon I was able to find a person who I enjoy being with and didn't put the pressure on him by comparing him to my first love, nothing ever feels like that again, which is why it is supposed to be so special. The pains of the past will only hurt you in so far as you will let them... Pain is inevitable, but misery is choice. I hope I have helped! : )