15 year old Don Juan...Not Quite ;-)
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| Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:58am |
My 15 year old son is girl crazy, but is just beginning to learn the steps involved in dating a young woman, and is understandly quite awkward at this stage. He went to a dance a few nights ago, and apparently was able to establish a nice rapport with one of the girls there. She also happens to be a girl he's very interested in. Well, I guess he mistook her frendliness for romantic interest, and decided to plant a kiss on her. She was taken aback and became quite upset. She exclaimed, "Michael, I thought you were my friend!", and then she gave him a crisp slap on his cheek.
He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.
I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well. I was also teasing him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he achieved two rites of passage into manhood, in quick succession - kissing a woman, and getting slapped by a woman ;-)

karen_a_martin...
Pianoguy suggests that your 15-year old head for the local greeting card shop...and choose a nice "snail mail friendship card" and mail it to this girl.
NOTHING MUSHY...just something with a nice message about friendship. If your son wants to write a 2-line apology like: "I'm sorry I came on so strong the other night at the dance! Messing up our friendship is the LAST thing I wanted! Can we try again?"
That's all there is to it.
Make sure he addresses the envelope correctly and hand him a postage stamp.
The results of his apology should be obvious within 1-2 weeks.
Pianoguy
If a boy slaps a girl across the face, it would be assault and/or abuse. If a girl slaps a boy across the face, it is a right of passage. The boy is then obligated to take teasing and jokes about this. That is an unfortunate message to send to a young man as it does nothing to promote equality.
There are four words which I believe every young man needs to learn in context to how he lives his life. They are; Integrity, Respect, Honor and Dignity. These four words need to be applied to himself as well as to every other person that is part of his life. With this he will learn that he should never assume that his actions are acceptable and that he owns the responsibility (out of honor and respect) to make requests rather than assumptions.
Out of honor and respect, he should take a moment to apologize to this girl for his actions. Based on integrity it is the right thing to do to accept responsibility for his actions. Then he should back off (out of respect for himself) as no man is obligated to accept a slap across the face. He is an equal - not a less than.
I like your joke to him.
Sherry, thanks for your reply :)
Well, I am pleased to report that he sent her an email and all is well!! She has forgiven him, and they are pals again. This is actuallly an interesting situation. She's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed" for a 15 year old ;-) (Btw, she never said she was pretty, these are his words) Because of this, she receives a lot of unwanted attention from hormonal teen boys. I know first hand that it's difficult for a young girl to be objectified like that, since I was in the same situation (full d-cup at 15). She saw Michael as different than the rest, a boy who was a friend she could trust. So, she felt terribly betrayed when he kissed her. He apologized for doing so, and said that he probably read far more into her words than what she intended, at face value. She told him that he is very handsome and a great guy, but she's not ready for a boyfriend yet.
After everything is said and done, I think there's a silver lining to all of this. I must say that as a mother I'm beaming with pride in how he reacted. Rather than being angry with the girl for slapping him, as many boys that age would, he felt a deep sense of shame for having offended her, and he was much more concerned about her feelings than his sore cheek. That shows a great deal of maturity, and downright, old-fashioned chivalry.