18 months and I haven't met his parents
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18 months and I haven't met his parents
| Fri, 12-23-2005 - 8:41pm |
I have been "casually seeing" this guy for over eighteen months. We talk multiple times a day, see each other three or four times a week, and, of course, are sexually involved. He tells me that he isn't seeing anyone else, and hasn't since shortly after we met. He has children from a previous marriage, and although I wasn't around them at first (as it should be, I think), over the past six months or so I have been included in activities with the children (i.e. going to movies, decorating the Christmas tree, going to theme parks, etc.) During the time that we have known each other, we have carefully avoided putting any labels on our relationship for various reasons... although he mentioned several days ago that I am the only one who is in denial about our status as a couple. He said his children and siblings would definitely view me as his girlfriend. SO... here's the problem: His entire family is staying at his house for the holidays... and I haven't been invited to anything. I even suggested that I drop by with his childrens' presents, but he said we could do that after his family leaves. I know the "he's just not that into you" guy would say that keeping me away from his family is a CLEAR sign. And I'm inclined to believe that. Before I terminate this relationship, I'd like to know if there is another possible explanation that I should entertain. Is he not introducing me to his parents because he's ashamed of me/ doesn't view this as a real relationship/etc.?? It makes me feel like I mean NOTHING to him if I can't even drop by for an informal introduction this entire weekend!! Could there be some other reason that I'm just missing? And is there a reasonable way to broach this subject with him?? Thanks, guys, for your input on this... and Happy Holidays to all!

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I don't disclose much to my parents either. However, at about a 6 month mark I always explain to my parents who I am dating and eventually they invite my new boyfriend to lunch or dinner. (My parents used to adamently refuse to do this because that is the type of people they are, but I think a meeting is nice for both parties. I used to have to prep my mother on proper behavior too. Over the years her demeanor has greatly improved.)
Yes, common etiquette is that parents should be able to meet their kids'SOs and vice versa. Since your boyfriend doesn't like to provide this bridge, it should give you pause for thought. Either there is something very wrong with his family, he's ashamed of you, or this man likes to control by compartmentalizing everyone.
If I were in your shoes, I'd ask for a lunch date where everyone was invited to the restaurant of your choice and you can offer to pay. Your boyfriend might have a cow but you can see where this leads.
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