1st date wonders??!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
1st date wonders??!!
7
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 12:21pm


I went on a date yesterday with someone that I've been talking with through email for the past 2 months. We met on a dating site. He gave me his phone number back then, but I told him I'd feel more comfortable meeting someone face to face first before we use the phone to talk.

The date went really well- we have alot in common, and just chatted over coffee for two and a half hours. There were some awkward moments in conversation though as I guess that's normal when I first meet someone. I was a bit nervous and I sensed that he was a bit nervous too, or maybe even a bit shy in a way. Anyway, I had to go to work so I said I had to get going soon(I actually had a little spare time, but since I was a bit nervous I wanted to end the date on a more comfortable tone). He didn't seem like he was in any rush for me to leave, and we ended up talking more about other things. All in all, I think the date went well, and that we liked each other.

When it was time to leave, I told him that it was really nice to meet him(lightly touching his arm), and that first dates are always awkward. He agreed. He told me to phone him, but didn't ask for my number. Do you think he is interested??

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 12:34pm
He might be but he sure didn't go out of his way to let you know that, did he??? I am never very encouraged if a guy says "call me" at the end of a date...I figure if he were really interested, he'd be contacting me not the other way around.

I would say that if he doesn't email within a couple days, send him a short email letting him know that you enjoyed meeting him and would love to get together again. That sends him the message that you ARE interested (if that was the reason for his asking you to call him) but puts the ball back in his court.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 1:31pm
well maybe he hasnt dating for a long time and is afraid of rejection. this way he wouldnt havee to hear you say no i dont think we should go out again.

the best thing again is to put the ball back in his court
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:01am

Why not go ahead and phone him, as he invited you to do?

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 11:14am
No. He's only interested in YOU pursuing HIM. IE, in you doing all the work, making the effort, taking the risk etc. If a man ever did that to me, I'd tear up his number on the way out of the coffee shop. Hopefully, he'd see me do it.

I was at a singles dance once and chatted with a guy for about 10 minutes. Then I got ready to leave. He said to me, "Would you like my phone number?" I said, "No." He then asked me why I wouldn't, and I told him that his mistake was in not asking for my number first. I figure I did the next girl a favor.....

It was arrogant and rude of this man to just hand you his number without even asking for yours. He can always contact you by email if he's interested. But he's not interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 11:25am
Now that you have had your first date, do you now feel comfortable in using the phone? Have you specifically told him that it is now ok for him to call you? From your original statement in your post, he would get the indication that for your personal safety you are hesitant to give out your number until you have had a chance to get to know him a little. This is why he suggested you call him.

Its too early to know if he has much interest but he did invite you to call him. I suggest you do call him, and let him know that you are comfortable in receiving a call from him. At this point - he does not know that based on your previous conversations or emails.


Edited 5/10/2004 12:14 pm ET ET by spice.man

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:02pm


Originally, he had given me his number over email because he was on call 24/7 with work(and still is). He thought that it would be a good way to get to know each other until we could meet(we also live about 3 hours away from each other). I wasn't comfortable with that though, as I like to meet someone in person before I talk to them on the phone. So I still had his number from previously.

So that's how the date ended. He told me to call him as I already had his number. LIke I mentioned, the date went well- I didn't get any vibes that he wasn't interested, but he didn't ask for my number etc. nonetheless. So yesterday, I wrote him an email. I basically just said that I enjoyed myself, it was great to finally meet, and that I am interested in him but not sure how he feels, so I will leave the ball in his court. And then I gave him my number. I know there are no right and wrong when it comes to matters of the heart, but do you think I handled this well???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:15pm
Yep, you handled it very well. He now has your number and he has received an expression of interest from you. From a man's perspective we want to respect the comfort level of a woman. We need an indicator of when your comfort level has improved or changed. We want to respect the word NO so to speak. He had no idea that your comfort level had improved until you sent the email - well done on your behalf. I hope he calls you in a timely fashion, even if you have some distance between you.