2 great dates, but lots of Qs
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2 great dates, but lots of Qs
| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:14pm |
edited for privacy
Edited 3/8/2007 7:21 am ET by tryingitsolo
Edited 3/8/2007 7:21 am ET by tryingitsolo
| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:14pm |
Ugh, I *hate* it when people call and don't leave a message, because then you don't know if you're supposed to call them back or what! With new guys, I err towards, if he didn't leave a message asking me to call back, he must be planning to call again, so I wouldn't call.
So yes, let him call you again, and if he doesn't, then I might send an email just saying hi, sorry I missed your call a few days ago, look forward to talking to you soon, and putting the ball firmly back in his court. How long ago was date #2?
I vote a big fat NO NO NO on going to his house or having him come to yours this soon. That's just way too soon, IMO. Take it slowly...next time maybe you have a longer kiss when he walks you to your car. I think where you are is perfectly appropriate after only 2 dates.
As for the check thing, did you pick up the movie tickets or popcorn? If not, then next time you could either treat at dinner, or treat for some aspect of the date. I prefer that the guy treat for the first 2-3 dates, rather than taking turns--the latter feels too much like you're just buds and not on a date. But then I will treat on the 3rd or 4th date and every 2-3 dates thereafter.
Sheri
I know when *I* call someone and don't leave a message, it's because I didn't have anything to say or wanted more time to think. If I wanted them to call me back, I'd leave a message to that effect. I get annoyed when people call me back if I didn't leave a message.
My advice, don't call him back, let him call you when he has more time or has his thoughts together or whatever.
I'd vote no on the going to his house thing, too. You never know what kind of guy he might be, even if he seems sweet.
<< Then he said "I'll call you" Ugh.... I hate that phrase!
Next day I call and leave him a message.>>
I agree with the others, and to that I'll ... in regard to the above, next time if a guys says "I'll call you" (even though you may hate that phrase, lol!) ... I STRONGLY encourage you to give him the chance to do what he said he would do.
In this case, you didn't. You called him first. That's a "no-no".
For some people (myself included), that would have been a turn-off. I appreciate patience in a person, and I VERY MUCH appreciate when a person gives me the chance to do what I said I was going to do. And, all things considered, at just a couple of dates, you don't know what this guys' "hot buttons" are ... and your calling when he said he would may have been one of those things.
Example, I dated a guy many moons ago, who after about 4 dates said something to the effect of "I can see us being together for a long time" ... of course, he probably thought he was being complimentary and romantic. But no. ;-) For me, that sealed his fate into the "next" file. Of course, at that point, he had no idea that that type of comment was a "hot button" for me ... as I really can't stand if/when a person starts talking long-term or "future" when we barely met a month prior. Makes no SENSE to me! It's not romantic, its creepy. Therefore, dropped like a hot rock. Hot button pushed. End of story.
Of course, I understand the waves of excitement and anxiety that often comes with that *high* of meeting someone who seems promising. However, those very feelings are often what mess things up (sometimes), as that sense of excitement and over-anxiousness can make a person seem, umm ... desperate. Even if you're not, its just your excitement! kwim?
Yeah, I'm afraid you are probably right. I might have pushed one of his "hot buttons" by calling. Oh well.... If he's that darn sensitive then I don't need him anyway. I'm a great girl.... its HIS loss!
Still a bit bummed about though!! I thought we really hit it off. Except for the kissing part. I can see how that could be a turn off and I never thought I'd be so skittish especially with somebody that I really do like. I guess I'm a little slow to warm up these days. Probably has something to do with years of abuse. At least I'm not "easy" and promiscuous.
Again, Oh well.... I'll get over it.
<< I might have pushed one of his "hot buttons" by calling. Oh well.... If he's that darn sensitive then I don't need him anyway. I'm a great girl.... its HIS loss!
>>
Maybe, maybe not. It was just a hypothetical on my part. As, I'm one of those people who gets frustrated/annoyed when people don't respect my word and give me a chance to do what I say i'm going to do. It seems, to me, very overanxious and well, a little disrespectful, to call me when I've said, "I'll call you". It's not so much a sensivity thing as it is, respecting a person's word.
Anyhoo, yes, I"m sure you are a great girl ... and I wouldn't chalk it up to a LOSS yet ... it hasnt even been a week, right? And, it was only 2 dates ... that doesn't equal prioritization or obligation. A lot of guys aren't into calling "just to talk" ... they'll call if/when they want to ask you out or make plans. That's often just part of dating ...some just aren't into the chit-chat. If/when you are in a relationship, then you can be focusing on the frequency and quality of the contact. JMHO.