2 weeks left

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
2 weeks left
11
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 2:41pm

All
Hi there. I posted here a few weeks ago. My ex of 6 months and I were very close and spent nearly all our time together. We are now on a break/break up. Neither of us know the difference. I suggested the break and we both agreed. One reason for the break is that for the last two months I live 3000 miles away and I was worried because he told me he didn't know when he would come visit again and was being overall very vague. He told me he didn't know what he wanted. We talked and talked and I made it clear his apprehension has left me confused.

So the break was clear and dropped me off at the airport. We have emailed only a few times since the 2nd week in August. He called me on my birthday this past weekend, sent me flowers, a few cards and he is having something made for me However, he hasn't initiated communication ONCE in the last 3 weeks but on my birthday. I'm dying to receive these cards but I'm afraid they are lost in the mail. They could be really significant / or not:|

I'm having a really hard time. I'm doing everything i can to keep my mind off it but it's soooo hard. We used to be in constant communication with sweet texts, calls, emails and now I feel so distant from him. I know there are only a couple weeks left thank god, but I'm so afraid because there is no plan for what we will do when I get back. He has confirmed the dates I'm back and he will be back in town at the same time . He hasn't told me he timed his return with me so I'm left guessing on that too. I've received little words from him I've mentioned on the phone call that I miss him to make it clear and he of course reciprocated the comment. I think it's all and all assumed by both of us that we will get together when I return but to what avail? I don't know? It seems like it will be very awkward and I will be super super nervous.

I would really like to start over when I return. Even if he is still unsure. I'm sure I will be unsure too. 6 months just wasn't that long. I think if he can agree to stop saying the few sort of insenstive things he has said in the past, I can accept that my expectations may have been a bit high.

i just don't know. I don't know what to do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 11:53am

First of all, don't you think it's weird that ALL of his cards were lost in the mail? How many cards did he say he sent? I think that's suspicious-sounding.

But the more important question is what happens when you return home in 2 weeks. I think you'll probably just have to wait until you get back to see how things play out. Sit down together and talk about what you both want from the relationship. But don't try to have any more important conversations about it over the phone, from 3000 miles away.

I hope everything turns out the way you would like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:57pm

Thanks for your response.
He send all of the cards in ONE manilla envelope and I know he did send them. I already received the bouquet of flowers. It's just my luck though, because the cards are what I really want to read.

Anyway, I totally agree with you that we shouldn't talk from 3000 miles away. Right now I'm having trouble with some internal anger and I don't know how to get it out of my system. I'm angry because even though this suggestion was my idea, his complete resolve to not call me but only once on my birthday has made me sad. In the last month, I've called him once to say hello and sent a few pretty thoughtful emails. He has responded with nothing but appreciation but why has he shown such strength in not calling me but on my birthday? It just makes me wonder. Even though it's a little crazy b/c the break was suggested by me.

Anyway, when I go home, a few scenarios are possible:

1. He tells me he wants to start again. I'm happy and we talk about our concerns.

2. I tell him that I would like to start again since the long-distance has ended tell him my concerns about some of what happened, and we both are together on wanting to try again.

3. I tell him that I would like to start again since the long-distance has ended tell him my concerns about some of what happened, but he isn't ready for a relationship with me and wants to be on his own.

4. We get together but I don't bring the relationship up. Neither does he. I let him come toward me on his own volition.

Please any thoughts? I don't know how to handle to play things out when I get home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 1:15pm
I agree with Jilly. I dont think you need to have any more important conversation through the phone. Everything should be face to face. I think it will help you with alot of your anger. What happened to the cards? How do you know for a fact they were sent out? Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 1:31pm

THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING
He is a very generous and honest person and I have every trust that he sent them out. I didn't mention he mailed them in ONE manilla envelope even though there are a few cards inside. I realize it sounded fishy the way I worded it before....

Do you have any response to the scenarios below? How do you think I should handle this when I get home? I realize I must sound very stressed, but I'm alone here overseas without anyone to talk to...

1. He tells me he wants to start again. I'm happy and we talk about our concerns.

2. I tell him that I would like to start again since the long-distance has ended tell him my concerns about some of what happened, and we both are together on wanting to try again.

3. I tell him that I would like to start again since the long-distance has ended tell him my concerns about some of what happened, but he isn't ready for a relationship with me and wants to be on his own.

4. We get together but I don't bring the relationship up. Neither does he. I let him come toward me on his own volition.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 1:34pm

I think worrying about different scenarios BEFORE they happen is a good way to put yourself in an early grave ;-)!!!

Seriously...you can't control the outcome, so why give yourself stress trying to do so?

TIME WILL TELL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 1:53pm

I agree fully. I'm a total spazz.

I'm just alone here and feeling angry with him for being so out of touch... so I'm trying to cope on my own without any feedback or communication from him. So any way to get into a healthy mindset at least when I get home would be good. I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to do that.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 2:12pm

This is what I would suggest: every time you start thinking and stressing about it, stop yourself and say something to yourself along the lines of, "I don't know what the future will hold and I can't control what's going to happen, so it makes no sense for me to be worrying about it now. Que sera, sera!"

You may have to do this dozens of times per hour at first, but it really does help!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 2:32pm

thank you. I've just printed this out and put it in my wallet...

One last thing: Should I keep supressing the urge to call him like I have over the last month keeping up with the said space .... or call conservatively when I'm thinking of him?

if I DO call him or DONT call him within this next two weeks will it make much of a difference?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 3:01pm

I think calling him will make the next two weeks harder on you because you'll be analysing the call and what he says...and heaven forbid he doesn't answer or doesn't call you back!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: gal_cara
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 3:44pm

The calling back thing is a big risk. It could send me in a tailspin. I just think he'll plain forget about me if I don't call. Like somehow if I hear his voice and he hears mine it will create that link again.

The only time I've called was last Monday We talked for about an hour 1/2 and he expressed that he looked forward to my return, etc. It was really nice.

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