20 and never dated

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
20 and never dated
7
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:11pm

Hey I am 20 and have never dated any one before. I am not religious but I have just never felt a connection with any guy I have ever met. I really like men but from a distance. I have never been kissed and I don't intend to have sex untill I am married or with the right guy for a while. Is there any thing wrong with this? How should I go about meeting some one.

Thanks
MJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:22am

Hi MJ!

Pianoguy doubts that there's ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU!

Believe it or not...there are "late bloomers" when it comes to practically anything, including dating!

You also might find that you function better independently. Independent people often work better on their own...regulate the amount of socializing they choose...go to bed at 8pm or STAY UP ALL NIGHT! In other words, they DON'T have to make excuses for their behavior or the lifestyle they choose to lead...because they make all the rules! With a companion...it's necessary to share in the process TOGETHER!

If you think that you NEED to have a partner in order to fulfill 'the male void' in your current lifestyle...why not get involved in a few social activities?

You can do volunteer work, attend church, take an enrichment course, offer your experience as a tutor, join a local athletic team or community theatre group.........in other words, put yourself out there and get noticed!

Just a word of caution...do whatever you want but EXPECT NOTHING IN THE WAY OF A RETURN!

People like yourself get involved in social and/or voluntary groups because they want to make a lot of friendships---while sharing their skills and talents. It's entirely possible that sooner or later...you'll connect with a "Mr. Right? But keep in mind that you're relinquishing your independence in favor of a partnership!

YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:04am

PG... How are you? Gonna shoot you an email in the next few days to say hi.


I have to respectfully disagree though that you can't have both a partnership and an independent life. I have seen folks who have a wonderful relationship and yet spend a lot of time volunteering or have lifestyles that are more independent that most... so I do think both can be had, if with the right partner...


Let the debate begin! hehehe *cheers*

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 2:26pm
hey that is a great way to thik of it thank you so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 5:59pm

Hi Kerry!

PG sent you a few "seasonal forwards" earlier today! Hopefully..you enjoyed 'em?

You (or any ivillager) are certainly welcome to disagree with my thoughts on "coupling" VS being an independent! I honestly think the only way a couple can ALSO be completely independent is when they reside in different states or different countries!

In other words...they're basically independent in A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!

Most couples I know would prefer to interact with one another by living in the same state...let alone the same house or apartment!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:29pm

Hey,

Don't worry, there are many people in the same boat as you, myself included. The way I look at is, that all good things come to those who wait. I would rather take my time and be sure about someone, instead of rushing it and end up doing something that I would regret....

Hang in there

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:05pm

gal_help...

Pianoguy (who has been single since his divorce in 2001) has one tiny 4-word response to your "good things come to those who wait" comment....and it is:

BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Happy Holidays to you...and all my ivillage friends...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:25pm

Don't worry. I was 25 when I had my first boyfriend, and ended up marrying.

Its better to not waste your time with guys you know aren't right.

This doesn't mean, however, that you shouldn't be out there trying to find the right one. Just be social, make sure you attend events, talk to people at work/school, plan activities with friends where you could potentially be introduced to new friends etc.