2yrs and no marraige or kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
2yrs and no marraige or kids
5
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 3:10pm
Hi I need help. I have been dating this man for two yrs. He is 33 yrs old and I am 25yrs old. We are in love, but are also on a "break". I had told him a few weeks ago that I want to be married and have kids later down the road. I want to live together first, marry, and then the kids. I wanted to make sure he was on the same boat and he told me he can't promise me anything. Am I wasting my time? I am scared that I will wake up at 30 and wonder what happened to my life. I know I am only 25, but I know what I want and do not want to waste either of our time. Please help! Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 3:36pm
well if you talk to him about it and say things like "I dont want either of us to waste our time" I'm pretty sure that will push him further and further away from you. That to him will sound like your only goals are to be married and have kids and not necesarrily be married to HIM or have kids with HIM. He wants to feel like he's the prize you'd be winning and not just marriage and kids b/c you can have that with any other guy. So if you like this guy try and tell him it's not just about being interested in those things, but having those experiences and sharing them with HIM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 3:49pm
Thank you, for the info. I think he knows those are my thoughts. I do love him and I guess I just have to make sure that he knows that it is with him and not just me wanting those things in general. I have never felt like this and ever thought of marrying anyone else in my life. He said he has to think things over. We just take it one day at a time now. I think I should have never said anything at all.
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 4:38pm
You are ONE SMART 25 year old!!!! But if you do not listen to and believe your boyfriend, yes, you will be 30 years old, and stuck in a dead end relationship with him.


You are communicating your goals with him, which is SSSOOOO important! He is letting you know, it seems to me, that he is not seriously thinking along the same lines as you. Neither one of you are right or wrong- you may not want the same things for the future.

If I were you, I'd be really apprehensive towards moving in with him, without an engagement goal in mind. He seems the type who would agree to cohabitate, but not get married. Be careful. You would end unahppy.

If he doesn't have the same goals as you (marriage & family) it is not the end of the world honey! Get out there now while you are young, and find someone who wants what you want.

Keep us posted and I hope you work it out and do what's best for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 4:45pm
Thank you so much unsure. He says that he is a firm believer that things happen naturally and we should not rush them. I completly agree with that. Like I told him a thousand times, I do not want them now, nor in the near future, but I do know what I want later. I had told him that I wanted those things with him, not just to have them. If I do move on, mabey the next guy I will want to marry, but not have kids with. I am not a fortune teller and can not predict the future. All I wanted to let him know was that I was thinking of these things and that he should know that. Now, it has turned into this big deal of my clock ticking. Ugh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 1:03pm
If you want different things, you should part ways.
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