3 sates and nothing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
3 sates and nothing
17
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:22pm
I just read first date non-jitters and became compelled to ask for advice on this one. I, like her, met a guy online and met him almost a month ago. We have gone out three times and he still hasn't tried to kiss me or even hold my hand. I made him touch me last night just to see if he would! We email and IM back and forth all day and he calls some evenings. Last night he even sat at the library and studied for 3 hours while I had class so we could go to dinner. He even got me a small birthday gift. So clearly he seems into me. The emails and IM's have that whole flirting and bantering thing going on as does our conversations...but what is his deal? I do like him but that fact that he has not kissed me seems odd. It stresses me out so much becuase it hasn't happened. I am the opposite of non jitters though - I feel like I am going to puke all over him. Super attractive huh? Well, what do you guys think? One of my friends is convinced he's gay, the other he's married, another says he's not married otherwise he'd be all over me, and finally one thinks he really likes me and is making sure that things are not going to fast as to make me uncomfortable. Love any advice!

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Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:26pm
Has he given you his home phone number?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:41pm
According to my mother who knows everything ;-) a reasonably confident man who is attracted to you should try to kiss you/be affectionate within the first 4-5 dates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:50pm
I have his cell # and it's email address and he has mine as well. I also have his work # and email as well as his yahoo account - I have everything! ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 4:07pm
Give him a couple more dates. Perhaps he is really trying to be respectful and not rush you. Three dates is not a lot... Although, I have never had a man NOT try to kiss me past the 3rd date.

However, if after your fifth date, he still hasn't tried to get affectionate, I would begin to worry that there is some dysfunction there. Could be a lack of physical attraction. But very few STRAIGHT men will continue to date a woman they do not find physically attractive... need I say more?

I hope things change, for the better!

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:31am
I asked if you had his home phone number.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:43am
I doubt he's married or in another relationship. If he was cheating on someone, there's no point in developing/building something, he'd want to skip right to the sex. Plus someone who's cheating is not likely to spend three hours waiting for you to get out of class to go to dinner. They'd just be too busy managing all the lies to do that. IMHO.

I do think he's gay. Some guys, for whatever reason, try to prove to themselves they aren't by having opposite sex relationships. But they have a hard time with the kissing and sex thing because they aren't attracted to women. So that is what I think is going on.

The other option is that he's got some other form of sexual dysfunction that he's trying to hide. Either way, this guy is not into kissing and making out, he's probably not into sex either. Give if a few more dates to make sure. But if you had to make him touch you, that is not a good sign. If he's not interested physically at the beginning of the relationship, imagine a few years down the road when he is still enjoying talking, going to dinner, spending time together but also still NEVER touching you. I've been there, it sucks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:00am
Dear Sissy,

Have you considered asking him why he has not kissed you yet? His answer might surprise you. You can also ask him if he is gay because one of the post mentioned that possibility, which I doubt, or married.

In any case try to be patient with him long enough to receive a kiss by Friday!

Warmest regards,

Jay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:07am
I had the same situation with a guy not too long ago. We kept going out for like a month and a half and would hold my hand but nothing more. Well anyway when he finally did kiss me the truth came out. He was impotent. I had already kind of grown to love him so I tried to help. Anyway, we ended up living together for six months. I even kind of cured him. But he was all messed up and he ran away.

Bottom line is I agree with everyone. If a guy does not try to kiss you after a few dates lets say like 5 .... then there is something wrong.

You will find out what it is. Just don't wait too long and get attached like I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:14pm
I doubt very much that he's married, or has something else going on. Your last explanation 'he really likes me and is making sure that things are not going to fast as to make me uncomfortable' seems a possibility.

Another possibility is simply that he's very shy and/or very inexperienced. You didn't mention your age so it's hard to judge.

Yet another possibility is that he takes these things more seriously than most people do nowadays. A long, long time ago kissing a girl was not something one did lightly. I know, that may sound like the Dark Ages, but there are still people around with that kind of disposition, whether it comes by nature or through their upbringing.

Another possibility is that, as some of the posters say, there's something wrong with him.

Yet another possibility is that he just doesn't feel the spark.

If he is spending so much time on you, though, I'd say he's pretty interested in you in some fashion.

One thing, I wouldn't ask him if he's gay unless you want to destroy any possibility of anything developing.

If I were you, I'd assume nothing about him, his feelings, or where this is going. Relax and see him a few more times. If nothing happens. it would be time to have a talk with him about his feelings and what's going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:11pm
nope...no home phone #.

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