is 33 too old for 20 yr old?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
is 33 too old for 20 yr old?
3
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 5:12pm
hi there -

i was wondering if you could give me some advice. i'm a 20 yr old girl and am happy with my boyfriend. however - lately, i have been tempted by a 33 yr old who i met at work and i have feelings for him too. could this just be a passing phase and that im enjoying the attention? i kissed the older guy this week and haven't told my boyfriend - as i'm scared that it may cause us to break up and i don't wnat to lose him. furthermore - i don't know what i want - an older, more mature guy, or my boyfriend who i've been going out with for over a year. would the 13 yr age gap be a problem as well?

please can you give me some advice as i'm stuck and have no idea what to do.

thanks very much.

kels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 2:12am
I would be careful...very careful here. First of all, the fact you were driven to kiss another guy regardless of his age shows you are still at a stage that you are trying to figure out what you really want in your life - not just in a boyfriend. You admit you don't know what you want. I wouldn't expect any 20 year old to have everything figured out yet. Do you see the older man as an icon of stability that you may be looking to create for yourself? An icon of inner strength or balance that you want for yourself? If so, you may wish to rethink your feelings for him. I've had female friends who've been involved with older men and no matter how good intentioned the men were, the men ALWAYS had some condescending parental attitude over my friends. The men would get impatient because they simply wouldn't instantly "grow up" to his maturity/life experience level already. *THAT* is not fair! (I mean, what does he expect when dating someone considerably younger?) Maybe the young woman wants to be spontaneous and run out to clubs with friends, bemoaning how much moola she spends on drinks ...and he wishes she would stop whining, be more practical with her money, be more homebound, and going to bed at a "decent hour" - like HIM. You get the pitch. Priorities learned through being at different stages in life.

I suggest concentrating building a life for yourself and how it looks w/o a guy as a "cushion" to fall back on. You are at the "rookie" stage of adulthood. What does this mean for you? Concentrate on making yourself the best person you can be and all the rough edges will polish out themselves. Maybe the fact you like this older man is a "sign" that you need to spend more time TO YOURSELF to figure out what YOU need for YOURSELF in & from your life - instead of finding answers in another person. Forget about the 33 year old. Good luck, be strong!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 6:25am
Thanks so much for what you had to say about all this. I've definately given it serious thought and appreciate your advice. Definately something to think about today!

Thanks alot - its been really helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:13am
you are going through a phrase right now. Ask yourself this, why are you doing this to yourself and what is the reason? Do you long for a older mature men? or do you like older men so that they can make you feel like woman? Does this is co called 33yr guy knows your 22 years old and if so, then this guy is just being playful with you and if you are very attractive, exotic looking lady then he must be very interested in you but other than that this older man knows exactly what he is aiming for. If you are involved in a relationship you should care more about the person your currently with and stop worrying about the older man at work or worrying about receiving attention. Because that older man for sure is being very playful with you. Take care.