4 months and "just friends?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2012
4 months and "just friends?"
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 9:24pm

Met this guy on a website and have been seeing him for approx 4 months now.  He calls about once a week or so, we meet and have dinner, chat and have a good time.  I have been to his place, spent the night but we have never been intimate.  He has been to my place a couple of times, never spends the night and once again no sex. At first I was flattered that he was not just about sex, but not I'm feeling like he really does'nt want to be intimate.

The last three or four dates I have met him at the restaurant, we eat, talk and seem to have a good time but then just head on home.  He hugs me and kisses me(never french kisses) goodbye. Oh, one more thing...the last two dates one of his friends has joined us for dinner.  i feel like "one of the guys", just a friend.

I like this man and feel a very real sexual attraction but don't know how to interpert his actions.  Am I just a "lady friend" or what? 

Should I move on and look for a man who really cares for me as more than just a friend. 

I guess I really know the answer but need to hear from others, thank you for taking the time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 12:41am

If he has strong traditional religious beliefs, that is the only reasonable excuse IMO for not trying to bed you after four months. Otherwise, it is definitely odd. He might be a gay man in denial or otherwise have issues impeding his capacity to be in a relationship. If he is not devout, I'd cut him loose. Even if he is devout, he should  have had a conversation with you by now about waiting till marriage. My sense here is you'll only have trouble and frustration staying with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 1:39am

He's the one you need to ask!  Ask him if this is a relationship or a friendship.  Then you'll know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 10:49am

I'd say that he acts a lot more like a friend than a boyfriend who is romantically interested in you.  Even if a guy doesn't want to have sex right away, I really don't know any guy who likes a woman romantically who wouldn't want to do French kissing, unless he is totally sexually inexperienced.  How old are the 2 of you?  Has he ever had a romantic relationship before, lived with someone, been married?  Does he say romantic things to you, hold your hand, compliment your appearance?  I do think it's best to talk to him directly about how he feels about you, even though it's difficult.  Also after a few months, if you are in a relationship it would be normal to be seeing each other more than once a week and generally talking on the phone almost every day if you aren't seeing each other.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 07-17-2013 - 5:52pm

Fissy is right.  It is up to you to ask.  Put your cards on the table.  You have nothing to lose.