Is 5 years too much?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Is 5 years too much?????
9
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:18pm

Hi All

This is probably an age old... no pun intended question... but when is the age gap too much?
I've been hanging out with a group of people for a while and a friend recently moved in with a couple of friends nearby me so we've been hanging out a lot more then usual. The word going around right now is that he's interested in me. He's smart, social, easy going and he's attractive. Only thing is that he's 5 years younger then me. If it was vice versa then i don't think that there would even be any question.
Well ... i guess there isn't really too much to question here. I like him so i'm probably going to go for something with him ... go with the flow... but i'd still like to hear feedback.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:28pm

In my opinion, there are about a million things that factor into a happy relationship before age. I would definitely get to know him, that's really the only way to figure out if it's an issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:58pm
I don't believe that an age gap should be an issue in a relationship, but many people disagree with me. If he likes you and you like him, go for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 1:09pm
Yeah that is very true. I mean ... we can't say that i would be pulling a Demi or anything. Bad joke but you catch my drift. No i do like him... he's very sweet and he's nicer to me then some of the older guys i've gone out with. I feel like i can completely be myself around him. I'm glad so far the opinions are leaning towards the "who care's" aspect of things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 7:45pm
Lurker here...just wanted to say that years ago I dated a co-worker that was five years younger than me. He was mature for his age, but I still thought I should break things off with him because of the age difference. I decided to take it one day at a time and I kept having a great time with him. I married him and eighteen years and four kids later we are still crazy about each other!!! Just enjoy getting to know each other and see what happens. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:47pm

Thanks so much for sharing that ... I think that it will be helpful to a lot of us on here actually.

Its really nice to know that there is some hope. I'm trying to take things one step at a time ... but i'm going with word of mouth so who knows... he might not even be interested - yet i find myself becoming more and more interested in him!

I guess you could almost say the chase is on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:35pm
I just wanted to add that the age-gap, IMO, has less to do with actual years, but at what stage someone is in life. When I was 23, I would not have dated an 18yo -- we wouldn't have had much in common, I am sure. Now, at age 43, I would date a 38 year old. That gap would be smaller because we would most likely share certain life experiences by now.
A woman in her mid to later twenties might be at the point in her life where she is looking for a partner to eventually marry. Chance are good that a guy in his very early twenties is NOT looking for that life partner (yet). However once the guy reached his late twenties -- then I would think the gap is smaller. anyway -- just food for thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:41pm
Ah yes... so I guess the moral of the story is that it really depends on the two people. I got out of a relationship a few months ago and my ex was a couple years younger then me. Now you'd think that it would make me run the opposite direction with the thought of another younger guy - but the difference is that this one is working and living away from home. So its already more pro then anything. But in reality - i think that i'm not really looking for a relationship right now ... so this may be a good opportunity for me to actually have some fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 7:00pm

I think it depends on how old you guys are? If one person is 25 and the other is 20, that can be TOO much. Definitely! A 20-y/o is barely an adult and a 25-y/o is generally still getting used to the adult responsibilities of life and answering those "what do I want for myself, who am I?" questions. At 20, those questions haven't really entered the realm yet. At 28 vs. 23, for example, it can still be a limitation but could work if both people are of equal maturity and goals. The limitation is, more or less, in terms of life experiences.

Beyond 28 - 30, I'd say it's not that big of a deal at all -- however, the maturity and goals still have to be compatible but the age factor isn't as much of an equation b/c there's "progress" and "life experiences" under each person's belt.

JMHO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 9:22pm
Yes, every couple is different and what works for some doesn't work for others, so it does depend solely on the two people involved. I wasn't looking to get married or even for a serious relationship...it just happened. We just kept having a fun time together and both wanted the same things in life. I look back and can see how others may have been cynical about us. He was 21 and I was 26 when we met. We got engaged 4 months after our first date (though we were engaged for 14 months b4 the wedding) so we were together a yr and 1/2 b4 we married. He was 22 and I was 27 and sometimes I think about what if one of our sons wants to marry a 27 yr old when he's 22(in the abstract it's a scary thought) but I'd have to see how they are together. We were just so right for each other and no one thought anything about our age difference(I've always looked younger than him). We both had previous relationships and neither felt like we missed out on anything. Of course I think my dh is one of a kind and know that not many guys are mature enough(or should be) at 22 to get married or serious about someone but I'm sure there are some that are ready. I also agree that the older you get the less the age difference matters. I'm glad you're willing to give it a chance and see what happens...you never know til you try!! and if it doesn't work out...so what!! lots of relationships that don't have the age difference don't work out either. Have Fun!