7 1/2 years and no engagement?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
7 1/2 years and no engagement?
4
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:14pm
I cannot figure out why my boyfriend does not want to get engaged to me. We have been dating for seven and a half years, and we just bought a house together, but every time it is brought up by anyone we know, it is this huge ordeal. He gets flustered and makes it seem like he would never even think about it. If I ever bring it up, it's like, "don't pressure me!" He was my high school sweet heart, but then in college we broke up for a year. Since we got back together, three years ago, things have been great. We rarely fight and we just enjoy our time together. Since we bought the house, and are living together, nothing has changed. Accept the fact that I have become his wife without the ring. Don't get me wrong I am an extremely domestic person, but I do all of the cooking cleaning and laundry, and I am only "dating" him. We are still young, twenty-five, but I would just like to hear that he wants to marry me. It just drives me crazy that he cannot even suggest it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:37pm
I'm sure that he will get married one day, but not to you.

Men are strange that way. They will settle for the here and now until the better offer comes along. And since you have been waiting patiently, he knows you will not leave while he's in this stage. He will probably never ask you to marry him, and if he does, it'll be to shut everyone up- but he won't want to talk about actually setting a date. No, at that point, he'll just give you the ring so you'll stay, but any mention of a date for the wedding will cause him to revert to the "don't pressure me" mode.

So do you really want to stick around and wait until his *better* comes along and he leaves you and marries her within 6 months?

Or would you rather go out and find someone who sees the wonderful things that you bring to a relationship and wants to commit only to you?

You cannot change how he feels or who he is. You can only decide for yourself how you will live your life. I can make a million suggestions to you, but in the end, you will make your choice on your own. Do you want to wait it out and hope? Do you want to wait it out and see him leave for another woman? Do you want to wait? And what happens if you get pregnant with this guy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:49pm

No one can answer the question about WHY your boyfriend does not want to marry you, except him.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:30pm
A friend of mine dating someone starting at 17, kept dating through college, his law school years, his law practice years and then at 12 years she left him.

She is married with 2 kids and he is miserable and ALONE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:31pm
Hon, this man won't get engaged to you. If after 7 years he's still "feeling the presure" he'll never marry you. He's very comfy where he is. Perhaps it's time for you to move on OR to give him the ultimatum...I'll move out if you don't make up your mind. If he still gives you the same lame excuse then be prepared to move out for good. As for the house you just bought together, sell it and split the money. Learn form this experience and never ever move in with your BF without an engagement ring and a date to marry.