About relationships that peter out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
About relationships that peter out...
2
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 5:18pm

It's really sad

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:01am

I think we have all experienced this in one form or another. The key is to understand friendships are important since these are the folks that will be there for you when the chips are down. I suggest doing the following (these are lessons I have learned the hard way, so please listen)

1. Even if you have met Mr. Right and feel that a wedding and a big future is going to be with this new man, DO NOT DUMP YOUR FRIENDS. Tell Mr. Gorgeous that you need to time to spend with your best buddies. Make sure you return their calls in a timely manner. Get together with them. Don't worry, Mr. Wonderful will still be there after you spend 2 hours having lunch with your amigas.

2. Always be searching for new potential friends. Friends get married, friends go off the deep end(yep, they do), friends get weird. They will need to be replaced and it isn't something that can be done quickly. Always be on the look-out for quality female friends who share your interests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 12:06pm

I know exactly how this feels because I've had a friend do this to me (and most of her other friends) recently. She met a guy in June, moved in with him in July and dropped most of her friends completely by the end of August. Aside from all of the obvious things wrong with this (like the break-neck speed at which they're moving in this relationship) my biggest problem with it is that I no longer trust her.

In the beginning of the "petering out" I would try to contact her but she wouldn't make any effort and I'm not all about that. So, I've just kind of accepted the fact that some people come in and out of your life naturally and there's nothing you can do, or need to do, about it. It does hurt because we shared a lot together but it's the choice she made.

As far as ditching your friends for a guy, I do not support that at all. Sure, your priorities and schedule change but a relationship does not eliminate the need for balance in your life and there are always going to be times when you need your girlfriends. I don't have hundreds of girlfriends but the ones that I need in my life won't ever get completely dropped, even for Mr. Right. And if Mr. Right is anything like we hope, he wouldn't really want you to drop your good friends anyway.