abusive
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abusive
| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 9:48pm |
I'd been trying to end a verbally abusive relationship for months now. For some reason the other party does not want to believe me that it's really over. He kept coming back thinking I still want him even after being told it's over several times. He has the 'cycle' and is verbally abusive by phone and email but not in person because by the time he sees me in person he wants sex. Nothing seems to sink into his head. Even when the relationship is over he continues to write and be abusive, his email seems like he still think there is still a relationship. How can I stop this? How do I completely get out of it? How can I protect myself from this? I tried court system and you will have to be dying before they do anything. I called other centers but they too are in the mercy of court. The thought of buying a gun comes to mind. I'm so frustrated and angry.

Change your phone number to an unlisted number and change your email address, the only behavior you can change is your own, if you eliminate ways for this person to contact you they will have no other choice but to go away.
Then you need to call the phone company and get your number changed and get a new email address. If he has a work address for you, ask your company to issue you a new one if possible. If they cannot, block his address from coming through. This all may mean that he shows up at your door, in which case, you may either want to stay with a friend, have a friend stay with you or move.
The next step is to look up a counsellor. They are cheaper than a pshychiatrist and are sometimes paid for by your employer- check that out if you have a benefit package at work. Also ask your friends for emotional support right now, it's hard to do this on your own! Remember, he is mad that you no longer want to put up with his behaviour. He may become more verbally abusive- putting you down to try to make you feel bad, and then saying that ONLY he loves you. These men DO believe what they are saying. Do not argue with him. WALK AWAY. You can tell him until you are blue in the face that you don't want him anymore, won't help. WALK AWAY.
If he comes to your house, keep your doors and windows locked at all times right now. If he comes there, do not let him in. Tell him you are on the phone to the police- and BE on the phone to the police. Tell him to leave. You need to tell the police that this man is harrassing you and may try to break into your home. Tell them if you are fearful for your life. Tell your neighbours that you are having problems with this guy- I can tell you my neighbour saved MY life when she heard me screaming!
Remember, you are not alone. You are a good person. You deserve a good life and a good relationship. I am proud that you recognized the pattern of this man's treatment and put an end to things. You have to keep that door shut to him- he will NEVER be a guy you can be friends with. Please be strong, we are here for you!
Alison
Anyway, because I never budged an inch, and resisted all of his physical advances, he eventually gave up on it. You need to be really firm with this guy and if he doesn't get the hint you might want to change your contact info or just plain ignore his contact. He'll get bored soon enough, trust me when he sees that your mind isn't going to change.
-Lisa