abussive relashionship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
abussive relashionship
4
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:35am
I dont know what to do. I have been dating an arab man for the past year. In the beggining everything was just perfect but the more we advance is horrible. He recently proposed and he wants me to convert to his religion (muslim), he is very abusive verbally and he always hurts me with his words. He screams and gets upset on nothing and in his eyes is always my fault. He sais that in the house he doesnt want to hear about any cristianity religion and his kids wil be muslim just like him. I am not allowed to wear make up or any tight clothes, and he always reproches me that I am not a virgin wichis very important for him. Since I heard that I feel really disgusted about him and the love is going down every day. I dont know how to get out of this relashionship because I just cant take it anymore and I dont know what to do. I really need some advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:44pm
Dearest,

I am so sorry for your hurt. Please know and understand that loves is not supposed to hurt. Also the decision to convert to Islan should be a decision you make because you have studied Islam and understand the principle of monothesism. Additionally you would want to fully understand the muslim religon and culture as some things that are required of muslimahs are obligatory according to Quran and Hadith, while some things are merely favorable, and regional. I am a convert to Islam. I made the decision after studying Quran and other Islamic scriptures, also I made it a point to talk to other muslimahs ( Muslim women) about their experiences in Islam. Bottom line the choice to convert is YOUR choice to make, and you should make it for you and you only. No man should be able to make you switch Gods. I can understand his point about raising his children muslim, Muslims have an obligation to raise their children to believe in Allah and the Messenger Muhammad ( SAW ) But it is not proper for him to be abusive to you, and to insist that you convert to his beliefs. I would say not to marry him, It says in the Quran that Allah looks favorably upon those men who are kindest to their wives ( Not an actual quote but close enough ) Also you may not be willing to cover your entire body out in public for him. When I was married to my husnband I found that I had no problem wearing hijab, and jilbab. After we were divorced though I found it increasingly difficult to "garb"

In fact I am still not wearing the traditional muslim garb even though I still practice Islam, and am still rasing my boys to be Muslim.

Whether or not a man in god fearing is definitely important, but if this is man is abusive to you now, he will be abusive to you later. That is statistical data, perhaps, But I have been in an abusive relationship for 10 years and it wasn't always bad, but each time the abuse progressed until it got to a point where I felt like I could no longer subject myself to it and I divorced him. I hope I was able to help you at least a little bit,

May you find a peaceful resolution to your problem.

Peace
Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:28pm
I would say GET OUT NOW while you can because this man sounds like a STRICT Arab.

I studied Islam/Muslim in school and while most Arabs men are not abusive, many have strong beliefs in Islam and Muslim tradition. My concern is that if he is talking this way to you NOW, what will happen when you marry. My concern is that he may try and take you back to his Arab country, one in which you may not be able to escape along with your possible children. When your children become a certain age, they have to decide to follow muslim tradition or leave their country (It is like this in Saudia Arabia). Obviously some countries are more stricter than others, but the behavior you described already scares me for you.

I don't want to be negative about your love for this man, but having known Arabs and their culture I would say this is not normal.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:30pm
Please find a counselor who specializes in women in abusive relationships and make an appointment ASAP! He or she will be able to help you develop a plan for leaving.

Best of luck to you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:43pm
I'd say get out now and it has nothing to do with his religion. He is being abusive..it doesn't matter if he's Muslim, Christian or Atheist...he is not being good to you.