ACT NOW OR LATER

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
ACT NOW OR LATER
10
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 11:27am

Good morning,

I posted here last week about my bf of 6 mths needing space b/c of my childish antics. Well its been a week since all of the drama started and while it seems likes he pulled back, he's also near (if that makes sense).

For example, I only spent 2 days with him last week, I usually spend 3-4. Our phone conversations were really short ( he wasn't rude just not interested in seeing me).

Now I've been beating myself up for playing such a stupid joke and how I wish I had not have done it. He spent this past weekend with his friends, he touched on the subject of us hanging out but nothing definite. My gfs think I should sit him down and have a talk to see if we're still on the same page. I want too but I'm also wondering if it would be viewed as being pushy. Seeing as though, I'm the one that created the mess, I want to give things time to settle down but i also don't want to ignore a potential problem.

What should i do?

Thanks,
e.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:01pm

Perhaps a slightly longer break (like a week without seeing each other), might do you both
good. Then after which, you two could have a heart-to-heart talk about what transpired,
and how you two want to proceed from there. By then, you two would have had time to think about it and be able to discuss in a more rational manner.

Just don't have big expectations of how the talk will turn out, and do listen to what he has to say about it. This will show him how mature you can be, despite any childish antics you've displayed previously.

Hope this helps.

AM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:07pm
we've already spent a week apart without seeing each other. are you suggesting that we spend another week apart?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:15pm
I think you ought to give this guy a wide berth. You claimed that you behaved badly, it is going to take more than a week to make things all better. Let him have his time with his friends and think about things. I know that it is hard to do but you have to prove to him that you can act in a mature fashion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:24pm
so, should I stop calling him (i.e. simply to say hi) and wait for him to call me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:29pm

Well if it has been a full week since you last saw each other, then you can contact him
and ask him if you can both sit down and have a talk in person.

I don't mean to be judgemental, but I get the sense that you do need some more time by yourself to think about this. I think your friends were right that you need to have a talk with him, but if you are in a state of too much worry, then forcing a talk at this particular time may even do more harm than good to the relationship. I also get the sense
that he may need more time too. You need to calm down, stop beating yourself up for what you did (and forgive yourself), then you can have a more meaningful conversation with your BF.

AM

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 1:02pm

I would definitely give it another week or two of letting HIM being the one to initiate contact and getting together before talking to him. What you did was really, really immature...you need to show him you're capable of better behavior.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 2:49pm

Thank you. I know that I'm beating myself up and that I need to calm down.

You're right, I do feel the pressure to talk b/c our relationship hasn't been the same since.

So, how do I try not to be in such a "state of worry?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:19pm

You do that by getting on with other things in your life. Spend more time with your friends, just hanging out, having fun. Spend more time on your hobbies and other activities that may keep your mind off the relationship a bit. A little meditation/prayer everyday wouldn't be bad either. You need to clear your mind of the issues in your relationship for some time, so that you may approach it again from a fresh perspective. Remember that your relationship with this guy is NOT the be all and end all of your life.

AM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:57am

UPDATE!!!!

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thanks for the comments, your words really helped out alot. However, he called me and said that he missed me alot and that he wanted to see me. we really didn't get a chance to talk though- it was just really nice being in his presence.

Thanks for all of your help!
e.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 1:07pm
Give it a little longer before you push for a 'where are we now' talk. He is still talking to you and seeing you
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