Addicted To A Loser
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Addicted To A Loser
| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 11:31pm |
I have been involved in an on-again-off-again-friends-with-benefits situation for a little over a year (more off than on). The thing is, he just disappears on me. Sometimes days, even weeks will go by with no word. The last episode lasted 37 days. Then on last Tuesday he calls and wants to see me. So, I go and we talk and he tries to initiate sex. Well I was able to resist and I tell him that it's not like that and I cant have sex with him anymore. He was actin like he was cool with it and we hung out and talked for a little and then all of a sudden he remembered he had somethin to do (YEAH RIGHT!!). I thought that was it and was certain that it would be awhile before I heard from him again but he called the next day and the day after that. He called me more last week than he has in the past 6 months. He was callin everyday and I was being so strong and it felt so good......then I gave in on Monday. He called, I was bored, I went over to watch a movie and it was all over. I WAS WEAK!!! We had sex and afterwards it was so awkward. He got all quiet and then he went into another room and came back talkin about his mom was coming home from work early (yes he lives with mom) and that he would call me later blah blah blah. I knew he was just tryin to get rid of me and I was glad to leave (not really) but I shouldnt have been over there in the first place so I gathered my things and left. I felt so bad that night I cried myself to sleep. I was doin so good without him and now I'm back to square one. I havent talked to him since then, he called yesterday and left a message but when I called him back he didnt answer and he hasnt called anymore after that. I feel like such a fool!! I had promised myself that I would never let him use me again and that 2006 was goin to be better (3 days to get it together). Now I sit here confused, checkin my signal, checkin my messages, waitin on him to call. I know what I need to do, I just dont know how. I know that if he calls again I will go see him. It doesnt matter if it's 1 day or a 100. Im addicted to a loser. HELP!!

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head_gamez...
Maybe you need to ask yourself if being with this...err....gentleman is more important than actually being in a serious relationship?
As long as you respond the way he wants...and he provides you with the sex you obviously want...this sort of arrangement can (and probably will) GO ON FOREVER?
Make no demands or ultimatums and the 2 of you can enjoy a "happy unbalanced life" when you're together!
Pianoguy
This guy likes sex and the pursuit of sex with you. He's not much into a relationship.
If you block his calls, emails and texts you won't have to worry about this guy contacting you when he feels like it. 2006 can be stress free if you want it to be.
Yikes. That's a bad situation you have yourself in there. I know it all too well and to be completely honest, the only thing you can do is stop talking to him. That is unless you want to keep putting your life on hold in the hopes that he will call and to continue to be used for sex whenever he wants it. Or if you think you can continue to just sleep with him every once in awhile and not be hurt when he vanishes for a month.
I really hope you don't want that.
You know that he's a loser, you said so yourself, so why are you wasting your time and emotions on him? He is using you and as difficult as it is, you need to cut all ties with him. When you denied him sex he kept calling and as soon as you gave it to him he disappeared. This is a vicious cycle and you're going to keep getting hurt until you end it. If he keeps calling then tell him how you feel! Let him know that you're not cool with this anymore. I promise you that you will feel so much better in the long run - this guy is only bringing you down...you deserve better than that.
If you feel like you're addicted to a loser... a guy who
Start
I think we were involved with the same guy! Ok, not the exact same guy, but the same situation. Please learn from me... the guy I was seeing that reminds me of yours ended up basically using me for 3 years. Well, I let him. Until I met his GIRLFRIEND. I had no idea she even existed, and he was telling me he wasn't wanting to be in a real relationship with anyone, etc etc just a day before. Once he got caught he wouldn't speak to me again. It hurt so bad, but thank goodness the cycle was broken.
Chances are he is using other girls, too. And even if not, you don't want to feel this bad every time you see/talk/have sex with him. It is time to break the cycle.
Good luck!!
Edited 12/30/2005 5:54 am ET by head_gamez
Putting this man aside for a minute, you know he's crap, he doesn't treat you very well, exactly what is going on with you that is motivating you to dream about Mr. Loser?
You could be suffering from low self-esteem or personal issues that probably need to be addressed, otherwise you will be chasing losers for a long long time. Seek counseling or read some self-help books to gain insight. This loser-chasing is a symptom of a bigger problem.
You're attached to this guy because he gives you attention.
I have been there done that! I was in a "relationship" for about a year with a guy very similar to this. After a while, I finally decided I was done with it. I was tired of not being a priority in his life and not meaning anything at all to him other than a piece of a$$. I viewed it that he probably wouldn't have cared if I lived or died except for the fact he wouldn't have been getting any more sex from me. So I wrote him an email telling him all that and that I was looking out for me finally and I cut off all contact. In a weak moment, I called him once a few months later and hung up. He called me back but I didn't pick up and it felt good to not do so. I came to find out years later that he was dating someone else the whole time.
So what I suggest is taking it one step at a time. Tell yourself that you will not contact him at all for say a month. Even if he calls, let it go to voice mail, delete the message without even listening to it and DO NOT return the call. Do it for a month and then set your goal for another month. Before long, you will realize how little you need or want his negative presence in your life. But by taking small steps, and making short-term goals, it makes it more achievable. And like any goal you reach in life, reward yourself in some way when you reach each one. Get yourself something, get a massage, whatever. Something to make yourself feel better about yourself. Good luck, it's really, really, really tough to do this, but you need to and you know it.
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