Advanced Planning?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Advanced Planning?
11
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 8:53am

What are your thoughts on guys planning dates in advance? Are there a certain number of days they should ask you out in order to have a Friday night date? What if they tell you they don't plan further in advance of a week or a week and a half... what would you think?


And of course, guys opinions are welcomed!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 9:31am
A week to a week and a half sounds like more than enough advance planning to me. I guess for the most part I'm filling in my calendar a few days to a week in advance myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:48am

The guy I just started dating has asked me at the end of each date about seeing each other again, or the next time he phoned. I would say that I try to make plans at least a few days to a week in advance. Or if we are talking aboout major plans (the theater, a concert) then making plans a few weeks in advance would be okay too.

If a guy told me he never makes plans more than a week in advance I would wonder why. Does he have a crazy work schedule or kids that sometimes make it hard to plan far in advance? I would certainly weigh those types of issues. If I suspected that he wouldn't make advance plans because he wanted to keep his options open for other women or friends in case they had a "better offer" then I wouldn't want to date him! I mean even if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship and each of you is dating others or has an active social life with friends, he should treat you with enough respect to show that plans with you matter and that you are a priority - otherwise why bother?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:02pm

I prefer that a guy plan and ask me in advance, if only because I have a busy social calendar and it fills up, LOL! But if I am available last minute and someone I like asks, I won't automatically say no. But last minute invites should be an aberration rather than the rule--I'm a planner for the most part, and I prefer a guy who is the same way.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 1:35pm

See now here's the deal. This guy I have been trying to schedule a date with doesn't want to schedule too far out. Right now I'm traveling straight for the next 6-8 weeks so everything I do has to be planned in advance. He asked if I was a Paris Hilton or something. His job is demanding at times, he works as a transit manager and is on the 2-10pm shift. And at times he does have to work late. Which is fine. But if he wants to see me, I need to plan at least a week and a half advance right now. He has a problem with this.


What to do?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 2:06pm

I would tell him straight out--this is how it has to be right now due to my travel schedule, and if you can't work with me on this, then we're probably not a good match.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 2:20pm

I told him and we got into that sort of standoff position if you know what I mean... So I told him to catch up with me next week and we'll see what can happen and this is all I have to offer right now.


I think I might have let my ego speak too and let him know that he should feel special that I am giving him my free time when I don't have a lot. But that's the man in me! LOLOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:48pm
One week sounds like plenty of advance notice for a date. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:35am
I think it's a sign of respect if a guy asks you out a week in advance, especially in the beginning of a relationship. I've been thinking a lot about this last relationship I had and why it didn't work and wasn't good for me and one thing that bothered me to was that my ex would always plan things at the last minute, asking me if I was doing anything on thurs or friday-- but if I suggested to him that he come visit me (I lived about 45 mins away from him back then) he would whip out his planner and decide what day was good for him. I should have seen that as another sign of his self-centered personality.
in addition, I'd think a lot about the WAY someone asks you out-- my ex used to ask me out by saying, "I want to go this time game, or I really want to see this movie." i guess that was my cue to say, sure, I'd like to see it too. he never really asked me, "what do you think we should do this weekend? or, are YOU INTERESTED in visiting this place or seeing this movie?" I now think you can learn a lot about a person that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 8:08am

Interesting points. I don't know if I could say it's self centered to have to pull out a planner simply because that's what my life is right now. And that's why the guy is getting upset. The fact that I can't just say "ok let's go out" is bothering him. Right now my schedule is pretty booked until October so if I want to spend time with friends, there's no choice but to put it in a planner, you know? It's a temporary situation until we hire someone new but it's the situation I have to live with right now...


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:55am

Yeah...I'd end that stand off by walking away from it. If he calls next week and wants to schedule something, great but if not, no big loss, if he can't be flexible!

Sheri

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