Advice on dating a friend

Avatar for aimsicle
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Advice on dating a friend
2
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 2:23pm

I am newly divorced from a man who developed a mental illness. The last six years have been extremely stressful and awful, and I held out hope for a while he would get better instead of worse. I finally realized I could no longer live with him, and pity does not make a marriage.

I had to wait a while to file for divorce, and while I was separated, I met a man. I am perfectly happy being single and have a full life (kids, career, etc), and my main concern about dating is figuring out how to juggle another ball! Anyway, I have been attracted to this guy for a long time, but I thought he was attracted to someone else, and I also did not want to get romantically involved with anyone until the divorce was final. After months of the sexual tension, it looks like we are moving forward with this relationship (I found out via my daughter that he has liked me but thought I just thought of him as a friend!).

I am worried that since we have known and talked for so long already, that the relationship will move too fast or something. Any advice for dating someone you have known for a while and were denying yourselves of any romance? Thanks...I am so out of practice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 12:52pm

aimsicle...

Pianoguy thinks that you should give yourself permission to know this man ON ALL LEVELS! PG knows that once a divorce has been finalized, it's considerably easier to let those "romantic feelings" come out.

Rather than "expecting the worst case scenerio"---let time be your friend. Don't react or respond because someone thinks you should! Instead...RESPOND BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy

Avatar for aimsicle
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:13pm

Because of my daughter telling me that this friend liked me (she said his daughter told her), I probably flirted a bit more than I normally would have. He is out of the country so we are just texting, and I mentioned that I was going to be in New York alone unexpectedly. I would never have said that if I did not have info that he liked me like that. He wrote me back and asked when I was going.

Then today I find out that my daughter thinks his daughter may have made it up because she wants us to get together. So he may not have told her anything after all, and I was acting more-forward-than-usual based on faulty information. Now I am embarrassed, but I guess I will just have to see how it all plays out.

The mixed-signal phase is not my favorite.