Advice on Dating while Separated?
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| Sat, 08-13-2005 - 1:27am |
I would appreciate any advice that anyone can offer on my situation. so here it is:
I am separated from my husband and barring something miraculous and unforseen we are getting a divorce. Since the separation I have run into my first love and both of us were surprised at how suddenly all our old feelings were there again. He is alot older than me, I'm mid-twenties, he is in his early 40's. However the age difference has never been an issue in our former relationship, our breakup, or now. We are hoping to start dating again to see if things can work out this time.
Him coming from an earlier generation than myself he isn't sure what the right thing to do is and/or how things are typically handled nowadays. He asked me to get some advice from women closer to his age group to get a good idea of what is going on in todays dating climate.
He has never been married, but got out of a long term relationship about a year ago. I have been separated for a few months and have not gotten divorced yet due to the fact that financially hiring a attorney is out of the question, so I am trying to work out an amicable divorce, which due to children and property it is pretty involved.
I will add that he and I have an amazing connection together. We can talk for hours and hours and it never gets old. We both have the same goals for our futures, he has no problems accepting my kids and both of us would like more. The time we have been apart has only made both of us mature into exactly what the other is looking for. Without going into alot of details, the reason things did not work out years ago had nothing to do with how well we got along or what our feelings were for each other. I have felt since finding him again that I have finally found my other half, I feel like I just can't walk away from that because the timing is a little off.
So, is it appropriate for me to date this man while I am separated? My husband and I do intend to divorce, it is not a separation to try and work things out. Most of my friends, family and people that I socialize with did start dating before their divorce was final. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but I agreed to ask for advice so I am. I would like to see whatever comments, suggestions and advice anyone has.
Thanks,
Alanna
Edited 8/13/2005 1:46 am ET ET by alomao

Alanna,
My advice is to not date until your divorce is finalized. My reason for saying this is that you state you are trying to divorce amicably, that you have children, and that there are property issues to resolve. Am I also correct in believing you have only been separated for a few months?
Dating before your divorce is finalized is fraught with danger on several different levels. The most important is the impact on your children. If it has only been several months they are most probably still upset about their parents separation. To add a male friend into the mix at this time may not go down too well. Your children's welfare should be your prime consideration at present. Also, is your husband still going to want to negotiate amicably if you are seeing someone else?
You need to get legal advice as soon as possible. You have children, and there are property issues. You cannot afford to not retain a lawyer.
Thanks,
I think I will be looking into getting an attorney. About my children I do agree with you on that. I would not involve them in any way with me dating anyone until it reached a point where I was sure it was going to be a long term relationship. Thank you for your advice.