ADVICE DESPERATELY NEEDED ASAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
ADVICE DESPERATELY NEEDED ASAP
5
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 11:08am
Here's making my incredibly long story short.... I met this guy & he was fabulous... wined me, dined me, flowers, cakes, everything I'd ever looked for in a man. Then he started to change, for the worse... He started going out & ignoring my phone calls or calling & cussing me out for no apparent reason... well we have only been together 2 months & have broken up at least twice a week... He'll get angry, leave me, go out to a bar, get drunk, call me & cuss me out... then he'll call the next day & apologize & I'll accept it & we'll be fine again for another few days... Apparently I have finally woken up & realized that in the beginning he was treating me well so he could get me wrapped around his finger & then get to where he could treat me like dirt & walk all over me. I have lost most of my friends because of him & have finally decided I am done with him... I should never have let anybody walk all over me, curse me for everything I am worth & then let him think he could get away with it.... So I am to the point where I want to let him go, thing is I just found out I am pregnant... I don't want this kid & I definately don't want to have it with him... I realized I never would be happy if we ended up together with children... I just need his help right now.... He knows about this because I have told him & he has changed his act alot... but it is too little too late... I just need advice as how to approach this with him.... I am afraid that if I break up with him he will not give me the financial support I need. Should I wait until this issue has passed by or should I address the situation now & see just see what happens?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 11:36am
Why don't you put the baby up for adoption? Then at least he will have a stable, two-parent home. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 11:44am
I agree with going with adoption. In my own opinion, Id take care of my responsibilities. You decided to lay with him and now you are pregnant with his child. The child could be wonderful cause of you and Im sure that eventually you would regret abortion and adoption, but do what you think is best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:16pm
This will only get worse as the relationship continues. He does not see you as a person, he see's you as an obeject to be controlled. I was in a very similar position. He was soooo wonderful at first. I thought he was perfect. Than as soon was thing became serious he turned very controlling and mean. He would break up with me about twice a week, then call me crying telling me how much he loves me...he can't live without me...yadda yadda yadda.

This will not get better. Nothing in your power will change him. No matter how much you love him or try to show him, he will not change. This is not even about you. It is all about him.

Put your interests, and energy into someone who really adores you. Someone who would never want to lash out or be mean.

I wish you luck!

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:29pm
How about starting to be proactive with your life. If you aren't keeping the baby decide if you are going to give it up for adoption or having an abortion. Once you do that, contact a local clinic to find out the cost of an abortion if that is what you choose to do. Inform the boyfriend that you are pregnant and that you expect him to pay for 1/2 the procedure, if he refuses, then you will just have to come up with the funds on your own, you may be able to work out a payment plan with the clinic.

Break things off with this guy. That's all I can say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 7:10pm
It is a big situation you have found yourself in, so deal with things one at a time.

First of all, baby or not, this man is NOT treating you well and you should NOT be with him. Adios and out the door. You deserve more and shouldn't settle for less than the best. Tell him that there will be no "us" for the two of you, whether he has "changed his ways" or not.

Second of all, you need to decide what is best for you in regards of this baby. You have 3 options, explore them all fully before making a decision. In Canada, an abortion doesn't cost money, but I'm gathering that in the US it does- something to look into if you're not ready to go through pregnancy yet. As far as adoption, you still have medical bills that would need to be covered, something that some adoptive parents are willing to cover for the sake of their new child getting the best possible start in life. And doing it on your own, there is so much support out there for single parents, and law states that he would HAVE to pay child support to you if you keep it- if he wants the child or not.

((((HUGS))))

I wish you the best,

Alison

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