Advice Needed - How to date a Pilot?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Advice Needed - How to date a Pilot?
11
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 9:41am
Hi there,

It's been a while since I've been on here - but I could really use some advice. Here's my story in a nutshell:

Mid January: I was going to Toronto to visit a friend, and my flight was delayed. I really hit it off with the guy sitting next to me in the airport. He was a pilot for the airline, but not working that flight - just returning from holiday, and it was completely ironic too, because he lived on the exact same street that my friend lives on in Toronto. He ended up giving me a ride to her house after our flight landed!! He went to get the car in the employee parking lot, and I got us 2 hot chocolates.. the drive was about 45 mins, and it was really nice. I would say that it was the highlight of my entire weekend trip. He gave me his e-mail address and said to write.

I mailed him when I got home. He mailed straight back saying it was great to have met me and that he would get up to Ottawa sometime in February to see me.I wrote him back a few days later - and then about a week later he called me on the phone. We emailed a few times, and he called me a couple of times over the next few weeks and then called to say he was coming to Ottawa. it would have been 6 weeks from the time we met - but I was totally excited...

We spent Friday afternoon and night together but he had to leave 7am on the Saturday because it was the only flight he could get back in time to report for his next working flight. He was a bit hard to read though in terms of whether or not he was intereseted in me but we made out a bit and spent the night together but no sex (I had told him I wasn't ready for that). he said he was in no hurry so seemed ok with it. When he left the next morning he kissed me twice and said, "Well, I had a great time, we should do it again sometime."

The thing was... he knew he had to return to Ottawa in 3 days' time to get his license renewed. I would love to see him again just to have dinner or something - but I didn't mention it.

The next day - Sunday - I called him (maybe I should have waited longer) I left a voice mail just saying I called to say hello and I would maybe try again later. I ended up staying out all night , so around 9pm when I knew I would not be able to call him again, I sent him a text message on his phone offering that he was welcome to stay with me on monday night if he wanted to. I figured it would be easier than having to fly in and out on Tuesday. I said in the note, "i know we just saw each other, so no pressure... but... "

No response to either the voice mail or the text message... and then my mind started racing that he was not interested. By Monday evening I hadn't heard anything and I guess I was just really disappointed. Maybe I overreacted, but I called again and left a pretty honest voice mail saying that I know he probably thought I was trying to reach him, but that I just really wanted to know what he thought of the weekend - would he like to try to get together again sometime, or was I just pestering him?? I tried to make it light-hearted but it was obvious that I wanted to know what was going on.

Tuesday he called and left a voice mail at my home number - it was totally upbeat, he said,

"Hey, sorry, I just got your message, I was flying all day yesterday -yeah, I had a great ttime this weekend! Thanks Again! I'm off to Calgary tomorrow for three days or so, but I'll call you when I get back.. and then he mumbled 'at some point' at the end of the sentence. (barely audible). That was last Tuesday - now it is the following Monday. I have not contacted him at all, but I have seen him log onto MSN over the weekend.. so I know he's been home from the Calgary trip.

I know he is a pilot, and they are not necessarily the most committing of guys - but I would really like to see him one more time when it isn't as awkward as our 'first date'. Do you think there is a chance he is still interested, or am I just waiting for a call that will never come?? OR - since he left me the voice mail, is he waiting for me to contact him again??

HELP!!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 10:38am
You might be waiting for a call that will never come. My guess is that is probably the case. I know you want to see him again, but there is nothing you can do if he doesn't want to see you. And if he wants to see you, he would have called or will call. You might have seemed desperate by calling/text msging three times in a row before he had a chance to call you himself. You can't do anything about that now, except do not call again. And next time, less pressure and let the guy do the pursuing.

It is no reflection on you, he probably just didn't think the two of you seemed compatible. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't think you are right for each other. Get yourself busy doing some fun things and forget about him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 11:03am
Hi. Sorry to hear that this guy has left you in confusion... Regarding your statement of "I know he is a pilot, and they are not necessarily the most committing of guys..." this is a bad generalization--my brother is a pilot as is most of his friends. And though they love to have fun and enjoy life, every one of them are in serious relationships, most being married. However, it does take understanding to stay with them through their schedule.

Not sure what this guy's issue is. My first instinct tells me that he's caught up in other things and that it has nothing to do with you. I would not call him again, let him come to you. If he wants to pursue something he will, no matter his occupation. If he doesn't call, then his loss! :) Good luck and keep us posted.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 12:01pm
Whoa Nelly! I think you have DEFINITELY done your part to let this young man know you are interested in him. Multiple phone calls, v-mails, text messages... You've done more than enough. Leave him alone now, hon. He's clearly not as "into" your friendship as you would like him to be, and no amount of calling or emailing will change his feelings.

It just seems like you expected an awful lot of attention based on ONE weekend with this guy.



Your first clue should have been the fact that he was non-committal about seeing you again, even though he was coming back to town in just 3 days. A truly interested guy would have pinned YOU down about when he could see you. Just be thankful that you didn't go any farther with him than you did, because you would probably feel worse than you do, right now.

And don't forget that he is a pilot who is flying all over the place and meeting women in airports all the time. Plus, he lives in a different area. He probably feels like there's little point of getting heavily involved with you... and even less reason now, because you might have given him the impression that you are too demanding.

Finally, ERASE his screen name from your MSN buddy list. Why torture yourself by knowing when he's online, and NOT calling you?

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 12:14pm
Thanks!! I won't call again - I just wouldn't leave someone a message saying I had a great time and would call them next week if I had absolutely no intentions of doing so - I guess I value honesty so I hope he does too.

I'll keep you posted

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:03pm
I think you should delete all his contacts and move on with your life. I think he was just looking to get laid when he stayed the night and was disappointed when you didn't put out.

Men are funny that way, when you don't put out. If you invite them over, its automatic asumption that you will put out. If you don't then they take it personally. I once met a guy, we had a great first date, talked alot over the next week, we went out on a second date. The restaurant happened to be close to my place. After dinner, he asked me if we can hang out at my place. Since it was Sunday and most bars were closing up at that time. I couldn't really say no. I told him that yeah, you can come over for a bit. I can't stay up too late because I have to be up at 5:30am to finish the project for school. It was almost midnight. I would have assumed that he would say, if you have to be up early then why don't we do it some other time. Instead, he responded, yeah only for a 20 minutes or so. I have to be up early too.

Anyways, at my place we talked. After an hour, he was still there. I didn't mean to be rude but I told him, I need to get some sleep. You are welcome to stay over night. He said, no he couldn't do that. Anyways, to make a long story short. He was offended that I didn't put out that night. He was quite upset, He felt rejected.

He sent me a nasty email the next day about my behaviour. I could have written back but I decided I didn't have time for his monkeybusiness. He was 32. I figured if he hasn't ogtten it by now, he probably never will. And with that I cut my losses.

So cut your losses and move on!!

Have a great day!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:42pm
Just out of curiosity - if I had put out, he would have thought I was too easy, wouldn't he? in which case I'd never have heard from him again??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:50pm
In regards to his 3 days in town only - consider this for a moment.

What if the next time you took an airline flight you knew that the pilot was not 100% focused on his 3 days of intense testing but rather spent his free time with a hot woman rather than studying to the next day's tests. How safe would you feel on that flight?

All I am trying to say here is that I am not surprised that he did not make an effort to see the OP on his 3-day trip due to these exams. 25 years ago I went through the very earliest parts of pilot exams - and that was just for a Private Pilot's License not commercial and it takes significant effort and attention.

There may be excellent reasons to write-off this guy but the 3-day trip is not one of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:12pm
Well, I'm sure you know more about getting a pilot's license renewed then I do (cause what I know is Zero :-) And I suppose it's possible that he was engrossed in 3 days of intense testing so he simply didn't have time to even call her while he was in town. But the rest of her post seems to tell the real story... After their first (and only) evening together, he simply didn't want to commit to doing ANYTHING with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:25pm
if he was genuinely interested in her, he would have explained to her why he was unable to see her. Also, he wouldn't have the time to log on to MSN to chat with others.

I took flying lessons few years ago. Its a profession that attracts men because they could score with the ladies. Women think its hot to date a pilot. They(pilots) know that and they often take advantage of it. I had many losers in my class who thought just because they were pilots, they were hot shots. Women drooling over them because of their career choice added fuel to the fire, further igniting their egos.

Its clear, he was looking for some fun and thats all. You should be proud of yourself for not putting out. It shows you have self respect. Have you ever thought that this guy might be married or involved and was looking for a fling on the side?

Stop agonizing and move forward with life. Life is too precious to waste on silly things!!

Have a great day!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:32pm
sorry, just to clarify - the pilot came to town to visit me and get a medical exam to renew his 'medical license'. He forgot the paperwork so he had to return 3 days later to get it 'stamped'.. it would take about 5 mins at the doc's office. He just simply left the card at home when he came to visit the doc (his doc is in Ottawa but he lives in toronto).

So , he wasn't engrossed in testing or anything - no pressures. in fact, he was on the last 3 days of a 10-day holiday when he came to see me

just to clarify....

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