Advice would be great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Advice would be great.
6
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 4:53pm
I recently got back with my boyfriend. We had taken a 2 week break because of various different things. The main thing being that I would get over anxious about things. I have done some work on myself and realized that if I want to be with him, that I can't do that. I'm happy to be back with him, but what I'm having trouble with now is how to get the relationship started again. I don't call him as much as I used to (maybe once a day at most). I was in a way expecting things to go back to the way they were before the break, but I know that if I want this relationship to work they can't be the same. I haven't seen him for over 3 weeks. I guess I am looking for advice on what I could do to help this relationship.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:36pm

I would completely back off and let him initiate all contact and suggestions for seeing each other at this point. Let him show you how things will be if you aren't anxious and contacting him all the time.

Im curious though...why haven't you seen each other in so long? Are you long-distance or something?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:44pm
Well I saw him the tuesday before the 'break'. Then we went on the 2 week break and the first week of the break, I wreaked my car so its been in the shop. I just got back together with him this past thursday. I talked to him yesterday and he said he missed me and asked what we are doing for new years. I have been doing most of the calling though. He promised to call me back today and has yet to do so. I am making myself wait. I don't wanna screw it up again.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:48pm

Hmmm...why can't he drive to see you? New Year's is an *awfully* long way away!

I wonder if the reason you were anxious about your relationship before the break had anything to do with him being aloof and/or not meeting your needs?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:53pm
Actually he was meeting my needs really nicely. He would call when he said he would and he was the one to make the first move with the i love yous and stuff. I think maybe i got too secure and when he started to back off a little because he was comfortable, i just got scared that he wasn't caring as much. The reason he can't come see me is he shares a car and usually his roommate has the car. He is working his butt off to get a car or buy the car from his roommate. He was in the military for a long time thats why he doesn't have a car now. I guess the best thing would be for me to let him call me huh?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:59pm

Ok, thanks for clarifying. Sometimes anxiety is warranted, that's why I asked, but it sounds like that's not the case with you.

So yes, I would let him call you. And I hope you get your car situation resolved soon so you can see each other but beyond telling him that your car is out of the shop, I wouldn't propose a date--let him do that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 6:13pm
My car is going to be out of the shop either friday or saturday. He and I have talked about getting together then. I am just hoping that everything goes well. thanks for the help. I suppose if he cares enough, he will call. I guess I figure if he loved me once that the love he had didn't just disappear. It was only 2 weeks. I don't ever know though. I've known him for over 3 years, but being with him for one month really made me the happiest i've been with any guy. Its gonna take some effort from me not to call. Thank you for your help. Anymore advice would be great. I am always in need it seems lol.


Edited 11/6/2006 6:18 pm ET by jewels7683