Afraid of making a move
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Afraid of making a move
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:37am |
I need some help! Some advice, or something, *deep sigh* on a relationship, or lack thereof. I've been friends with a guy for a couple years now, our closeness wavering in and out depending on how often we saw and talked to each other. In the past couple months we've gotten really close. I've been in love with him since the moment I met him but I haven't ever really told him that. Last year, I gave him some advice in getting a girl he liked and they were together for a couple months until she dumped him raw hard. After the break-up, he sort of was flirting with me and I was too dumb to recognize it as a rebound and so I was bold and asked him out and he told me, sadly, that he was not ready for a relationship. However, only a couple weeks later, he had sought out his ex and got back together with her, which was pretty much a smack in the face. They were together until about a month ago where she dumped him again... he had told me me thought she was the "one" and everything wonderful about her. Well, now it's been over a month since the break-up and we're super close. He told me I was one of two people he completed trusted. Only in the past two weeks, he's started to make further advances on me. For instance, we go to the same church and at the end in the benediction, he was sitting next to me as it is every Sunday, and everyone held hands for the benediction. So, we did so, and he rubbed my hand and then put his them in the side of the pocket of my jeans. Little things like that he's been doing lately and I haven't exactly stopped him but i also haven't being doing much to encourage either. I'm afraid that if I do anything, he'll get scared and back off like the last time and I have no idea if I'm just an outlet for him to place his loneliness on or whether he really does like me. I was told by a friend that I was there before and after his relationship with his Ex that really broke his heart and so it me who he really likes, but I'm not so sure. I know i am a friend he whole-heartedly trusts, but is it just a friend he sees me as and he's simply dealing with a broken heart, or does he really like me more than that? I cannot know and I'm scared and doing anything about it. Please help me!

Pianoguy thinks you're a terrific lady...and I guess if you were closer, he'd probably ask you out.
But what you need to understand is....this man (whom you've obviously got feelings for) TRUSTS YOU AS A CLOSE FRIEND! This doesn't mean he wants to date you or get serious with you. Whether he changes his mind in the future doesn't matter, but right now...you are the "close friend" he can share his joys and frustrations with.
Question is...is this going to work for you indefinitely?
Now you can always ask him out on a date for a second time? This way, you can determine if there's more to your close friendship than JUST FRIENDSHIP...but prepared for one of two answers: YES OR NO!
Contrary to one some ivillage ladies may think...many of us men TRULY NEED and SEEK ADVICE from other women because 'the female psyche' can be VERY CONFUSING at times!
So we ask you questions...share some personal stuff...and hope that you might be able to provide us with an honest opinion concerning a dating problem or two? Sometimes we realize that your feelings (for us) might be more extensive than a 'good friendship.'
But this doesn't mean we're going bend in your direction if our "feelings" aren't there for you!"
Hope this helps a little?
Pianoguy