after five years???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
after five years???
3
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 11:58pm
5 years ago, i was a sophomore in high school. i fell madly in love with a guy, and we were inseparable until i started (unknown at the time) developing bipolar and pretty much drove him away with mood swings and violent fights. not to say he couldnt have stayed and tried to help...but we both made mistakes. i didnt take it well (after all, i was bipolar and 16) and pretty much called him nonstop...blah blah blah. anyway, he went to college that fall and as far as i knew, fell off the face of the earth. since then i have been on medication, gone to therapy and been stable for a long time. in the last five years, i have dated a million different guys and even been engaged once. but i have always had this ideal in my head of my first love and so i have never really given my heart again. recently i found him on myspace and added him as a friend. i also wrote him a short friendly note, saying that i thought it had been enough time to put the past behind us and maybe he could tell me what he's been up to in the past few years. he accepted me as a friend but never wrote me back. i also left him a comment on one of his pics, because he had gotten his dream car (something he had wanted since highschool) and i congratulated on it. i dont know if this is of any significance, but the day he received my email, he changed his headline to "maybe we were made for each other..." it probably is completely unrelated, but i thought it was a little coincidental...especially since there is no mention of a girl or anything anywhere on his page. anyway, now i cant stop thinking about why he hasnt written me back. ive written back people who wrote me that i didnt like that much, at the very least to be polite. you would think if he accepted me as a friend, he would be willing to communicate a little. i dont think he has any reason to hate me. everything happened so long ago, and i am trying to make amends. he is the one person who i desperately want to think well of me. his best friend and i have written to each other everyday (i knew him before i knew my ex) and his roomate sent me a message saying i seemed really cool. his and my profiles have so much in common...we still have like minds. it wasnt a big deal until i realized that he had logged in several times since and never so much as a "hey, i got your message" or anything. i know, i am being a little crazy about this. but this guy is the standard that failed every relationship i have ever had. i just thought that if i knew him now, he wouldnt be so ideal...and maybe i could finally be able to start fresh again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 10:48am
How long has it been? Maybe he's got the 3-day rule in place. Some guys do. Otherwise, I guess you'll just have to wait it out. However, this guy may seem ideal because he was your first love. I had a guy like that and finally realized recently that he wasn't what I would really have wanted at all. He just fit in with what was wrong with my life at the time. My advice would be to keep your eyes, mind and heart open to new experiences, and put the old ones in their places. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 12:43pm
It seems to me that he's accepted you as a friend and doesn't want to go further than that. If the dating experience was so bad 5 years ago, he may have those memories engraved in his mind. He moved away from you as far as he could for a reason. His message headline is in the past. Leave it alone and move on. His silence and lack of respinse should tell you that he's not interested in more than casual friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 7:36am

I understand that you have fond memories of this man. But the fact of the matter is, this man has not written you back. After 5 years, he has moved on and probably did some changing himself.

He's not obligated to write you back, the man might have some strong feelings about your behavior from 5 years ago. You did your best contacting him, now it is time to move on with your life.