After a rather friendly breakup
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| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:39pm |
Hi everyone,
My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I broke up a few days ago. The last 6 months or so had been riddled with some issues, but we worked through them. But we recently had a fight and after thinking for a while, she decided to end it, as she didn't see if our differences were reconcilable. I wanted to work on it, but I also understand her point too.
We were eachother's best friend, and I am naively thinking maybe we can be friends. My last two serious relationships ended much more bitterly, and we have not spoken to eachother at all, and I feel a void in my life. We are going to try to remain friends.
I am also finding that though I was hurt by the breakup, I am more mad and hurt from the situation than her (if you know what I am trying to say...). Maybe because I sort of knew that there were some differences between us that I just could not understand and empathize. However, I am surprised at how good I am feeling even though this was only a few days ago.
She said that she has absolutely no bitter feeling towards me, and that we could help eachother through this if possible. it is really up to me. Now, even I know this is a bad idea. But I guess I want to stay friends. Is this a sincere offer, or is it her trying to make herself feel better by offering friendship? And do you think that if I do initiate contact, she will be hurt as well? I warned her that it will be difficult road to friendship, but we made a pact to be friends. It's corny, I know.
I guess I just don't want the last 2.5 years to disappear. That I am sure about. Not like trying to hang on to our relationship, but more of someone who knows me well and were good friends. Is this possible?
Thanks for your opinion,
Daikon

It is definitely possible to be good friends, heck even best friends, after a relationship. But in my opinon, not immediately after a break-up. You mentioned that the last 6 months had seen some issues in your relationship, so no matter how much you deny this, there is still some healing that needs to be done. And you may not want to hear this, but in my opinon, this healing is best done away from each other. You need time away from each other, so you can heal yourselves. It is noble to think that you may want to help each other out through the healing process, but the reality is, the wounds you need to heal constitute the relationship you had with HER, and the same thing applies to her with YOU. And being around each other is not really going to help that.
So spend time away from each other, and if the friendship is really there, then you can get truly get together again as friends, once the healing is done on both sides.
AM
I agree 100% with the other poster...you CAN be friends...but not NOW.
Take a break of at least a few months (although realistically it'll probably take 6-12 months given the length of your relationship), until you are at the point where you can honestly imagine calling her up and finding out she's head over heels about someone new...and you're ok with that. THAT is when you are ready to be friends.
Sheri
Sheri and AM,
Thanks for your input. I know exactly what you mean. You're absolutely right that I can't heal with her in my life so quickly or so much. I am thinking maybe we can keep in touch occasionally and keep reminding that we're not being unfriendly, but this is for, lack of better expression, greater good. I know we can't help each other heal because that is exactly what we're trying to heal from.
She's supposed to call me sometime this week. I'll be friendly, but I guess I won't get into too much detail and try to explain all this.
I am feeling better about it. Who knows how I'll feel when she calls though... I think I'll be okay, but I guess I'll never know. But thanks very much.
Daikon