Age Difference

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Age Difference
11
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 6:42pm

So how much of an age difference is too much? Do you have a certain number of years as a threshold or line that you would not date someone?

Here is my situation. I am 33. The guy I am dating is 25. At first I was not so sure about dating him because of the age difference. We have since been on a few dates and we talked on the phone several times. One of my friends pointed out that if I were the guy and he was the girl the age difference wouldn't be an issue. I agreed with her and have decided not to think about it and just see where things go.

So I just want to know what other people think.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:19pm

If you were 43 and 35, then I wouldn't bat an eye about it. But at 33, you are almost certainly heads and shoulders above his maturity level. It's been my experience that people go through quite a bit of maturing, changing and growing in their late 20s, early 30s...and he's not there yet.

Of course there *are* exceptions...but in general, I would say that a 25 year old man is just not going to be on your level.

And I disagree with your friend...I would be wondering why a 33 year old guy was dating a 25 year old...thinking that he perhaps didn't want or couldn't handle someone more mature.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:26pm

>>>It's been my experience that people go through quite a bit of maturing, changing and growing in their late 20s, early 30s...and he's not there yet.<<<

Initially I thought the same thing. However, in our conversations he says things that I would hardly expect a 30 something man to say. Anyways, I am just dating him, and I enjoy his company.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:28pm

Well, as I said, there ARE exceptions. He may be one of them...time will tell!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 12:48am

I am 37 and dating a 26 year old and I must say, it's been the best dating experience I have had in a long, long time. Two of my very closest girlfriends are also my age and dating younger men and are very, very happy. The dynamic is quite different from any relationship I've had - in a really positive way. It's fairly new (6 weeks), but even if it goes nowhere, I will be really grateful for this experience after having mostly negative dating experiences with men my own age or older for the past few years.

I suppose maturity could be an issue, but I haven't found that to be true in my experience. Maybe it's an age thing or maybe it's a generational thing but my guy is very upfront and honest and very little game-playing.

Enjoy yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:06pm

Wow, its good to see that someone else is in my situation. I'm glad you are having fun and so far things are working out. The dynamic is different but it is fun. Do you or your friends have kids?

Good luck with everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:10pm

Eight years is not a huge difference (you both know the same rock groups, sitcoms from childhood etc) but there might be a big maturity level differene you'll find. Or maybe not. It's up to the both of you about whether the age difference (and you being the older one) is that big a deal. He seems ok with it. Putting aside how it looks to society, are you ok with it? That's what matters.


Sherry

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 4:04am

i have had one experience with a younger guy. he was 22, i was 27. this isn't the same age bracket as your situation, but i wanted to add that at 22, although he was definitely FUN and we had a wonderful time and i was quite emotionaly involved and had started to "expect" things from him, i found him quite unpredictable and careless for my liking, and someone who didn't really know how to give me the "care" or "emotional support" i needed...if you know what i mean. perhaps, it wasn't his fault. he was at a stage when he was still trying to understand himself, find a path in life, and understand what a girl really needs. and once, when we had a little tiff because he had upset me a lot over something, i ended up mentioning his younger age, and he got SO mad at me, that he never spoke to me for a whole week. he did take it very personally. and perhaps he was meant to. we broke up a month after that when he said perhaps he was too young for me and could not keep me happy. i knew although he was fun company and we did like each other, he was FAR from "husband material". going further would have made no sense.

:-( feel sad thinking about this. i did like him a lot.

but i do know, that yes, there are exceptions.
i dont overall see a huge age difference between you both, but some of the things to look at here would be to ask urself whether he can fulfill ur emotional and intellectual needs.
does he leave you wanting, or does he make u feel satisfied.

does he show that he can be relied upon. is he ready for a commitment or does he think it is something that he is too young for. do your goals and values match sufficiently. and u do have to give him the space to grow as u go through life with him. can u do that without any resentment, and without thinking that he is like a child.

well, i do wish you all the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 10:52pm

No, neither myself or my two girlfriends have children, nor have we ever been married. The one thing I've noticed from my situation, as well as the situation with my two friends is that the power dynamic is different. I've been very successful in my career and found that it often became an issue with men that were older than me. There was a bit of a power struggle that never made sense to me. I haven't seen that at all yet with the guy I'm dating now. He's very proud of and supportive of my career. I'm sure it's not completely about his age, but perhaps the way he was raised (a working mother). Either way, it's working very well for me.

The reality is that men have been doing this for decades, but for women, it's still somewhat taboo. Go figure. Good luck to you as well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 10:10pm
Age doesn't matter to some...just how accepting is his family towards you, is that where you can see yourself during teh holidays...how about at your end of things? Will your family accept him?
Where are you...ready to get married? ready to change careers? Where is he? Still into playing the field (I would be anxious about this if I were thinking about getting settled and nest building)? Just starting his first career? Those are the things that matter. I would be mostly concerned about where he is and what he's out for. If he's into an exclusive relationship NOT leading to marriage, then you need to move on if that is your objective.
I have dated several men younger than myself (and with greater age difference) and if you have the same objectives in common, that's fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 5:21pm
Well, my ex-husband was 18 years younger than me and obviously we were at different life stages and it didn't last. I have always dated younger men but have avoided men with that kind of age gap as it never works and I really think that both parties should be at the same kind of life stage. I also believe that if the woman has a better job than the man and earns more (as I did when I was married) it puts further huge strain on the relationship. The trouble is, I think women (especially ones my age) tend to date younger men because of course there are more single ones available but it never works in the long-term.

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