Ahhh my mind is playing tricks on me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Ahhh my mind is playing tricks on me!
2
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 4:18am

Hi everyone,

I am fairly new to these boards so I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Jenny and I am a 21 year old college student.

About 9 months ago, I broke up with a great guy (we'll call him PJ). PJ and I had dated for almost 2 years, but I felt the relationship had come to a standstill and found myself being increasingly irritated with him. I truly believed we were different people and that I could easily find someone better suited for myself.

Boy was I wrong!!! Although I am considered to be a very pretty and nice girl, I guess I don't fit the typical college girl mold. I am a bit shy and don't enjoy most fraternity/sorority type social events.

Unfortunately, I have had terrible luck meeting ANYONE new these past 8 months. Although I get hit on frequently, I feel that I have nothing in common with anyone who does so.

After almost a year of being single, I have become very lonely and have started repeatedly checking up on my ex... .looking at his pictures, facebook page, etc. Each day, I become more and more jealous that he appears to be happy and socially thriving. I believe he has gone on many dates since we broke up...while I sit here alone most of the time.

Over the past few weeks, I have been questioning my decision to break up with PJ. Eventually, I became so lonely that I called him, practically begging him to take me back. Not surprisingly, he refused and said he had moved on and that he genuinely believed we were not meant to be together.

Although I know PJ is right, my mind is constantly obsessing over him and I am so hurt by the rejection. I consider myself to be a reasonable, levelheaded person... but this whole situation is making me feel INSANE.

How could it have seemed so right to break up at the time... but now I so desparately regret it? And if I truly am the "great catch" my friends have said, why can't I find someone new?

Thank you for letting me vent...I apologize for sounding silly, but I am feeling hopeless.
I appreciate any advice!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 9:29am

Jenny...

Pianoguy can only offer the following:

In order for ANY COUPLE to be everlasting friends (or lovers)...BOTH HALVES NEED THE DESIRE!

If 100% effort is being made on YOUR SIDE...and very little on HIS...you're fighting a losing battle.

Just to let you know, many people aren't crazy about attending fraternity or sorority events in college . But the excuse I had was the reality that I had to work 8-10 hours on a Saturday in order to attend classes Monday thru Friday. So in my case..."supply side economics" took preference over a social life!

Suggestion:

Don't look back at your past....look forward to your future? You can't expect someone in your past to start liking you again? But there are definitely possibilities when it comes to meeting somebody new who TRULY wants to be in your company.

Give yourself permission to acquire a lot of friends....with NO INTENTION of expecting anything MORE!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 11:40am
I am sure you are a great catch. I was not a sorority/fraternity type person while I was in college either. Here's a suggestion: try to do things differently. It sounds like you are stuck in a rut. For instance, if you always go to one building to study or do homework, try a new building or library or cafeteria. If you always go to one bar, try different ones. If you are athletic but are not playing sports, try out for a team or if you go to a gym at a certain hour, try a different hour. This way you are immersing yourself with different people but doing it in a very subtle way and who knows, maybe you'll meet new friends or a new guy. If you like the arts then go to a concert or show with friends or attend a lecture by yourself. Be open to trying new things. If your friends have a guy in their lives then maybe you'll make some single friends along the way. I know it can be discomforting to get out of a routine, but sometimes it helps. You are still very young and in the right surroundings to meet a new guy. I know how you feel about loneliness, I have been single now for over 6 years, but I'm alot older than you and I have had to stay single for safety reasons right now.