alcohol

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
alcohol
4
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:31pm
i grew up with an alcoholic father and pretty much my whole family drinks way too much...becuz of these reasons i have decided that i will not consume alcohol. however, my boyfriend just turned 19 (i will b 19 in december) and since then he's had quite a few baseball functions where they end up at bars and he gets drunk. im not there but jus knowing hes there drinking or him talkin bout it makes me upset and feel sick to my stomach. i suppose ive already put together that this is related to the drinking problems in my family. i know that i cant make him be totally against drinking the way i am but how can i get over this sick feeling i get when hes drinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: puddinpie2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:39pm

Your boyfriend isn't your family.

Does your boyfriend drink to excess? Does he close the bar? Does he have a massive hangover the next day? Does he become abusive when he drinks? Does he have any DUIs or DWIs?

If not then you have to convince yourself that he is different from your family. If he does, well, um, another alcoholic relationship 4 u....Better contact Al-Anon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
In reply to: puddinpie2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 8:21pm

mkay,

its apparently a mental thing and your best bet (i think) would be for you to seriously sit down and talk to him about it. ask him how much is he drinking, does he understand that you feel bad about it, and is it possible that he could find an alcoholic free past time? if you think that hes being more responsible about his actions and hes making some good choices while he casually drinks then maybe you would feel better. Maybe ask him to check in ever so often or maybe ask if you and his friends would like to hang out some where else without drinking. Hope i helped!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: puddinpie2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:37am
You seem to be associating his social drinking with all the terrible things you know about alcoholism. Try not to get these two things confused. It might help you to talk about your feelings with your boyfriend so you know how he uses alcohol. Ulitimately though, you need to be able to judge this on your own. Someone who goes out with their team and has a few drinks responsibly and get's themselves home safely (without driving drunk) is not the same as someone who goes out, drinks so much they loose count, gets sick, stumbles in the door, is late for work because they walked in at 5 a.m. and has to have a drink just to feel "normal" in their day. I'd suggest contacting your local AA chapter for more information about understanding the differences and the dangers. There's nothing wrong with being worried but if your boyfriend tells you he is responsible, you should be reassured, not paranoid and doubtful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: puddinpie2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 2:38pm

You need to learn to separate the social drinking and the alcoholism that is in your family. Social drinking does not necessarily lead to alcoholism and I think you'd be hard pressed to find a 19 year old guy that hangs out with his buddies that doesn't have a beer or two (or several). You have had unfortunate circumstances in your life that have turned you off of alcohol forever but you can't impose those views on others - each of us has our own choices to make. Your boyfriend chooses to drink and party with his friends. You need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you and whether his drinking is going to cause problems in your relationship. You do need to talk to him - I would assume he knows your family history? Regardless, you need to mention how his drinking makes you feel uncomfortable and while you are not telling him he can't drink that you want him to know that 1) you want him to try to be responsible about his drinking, 2) he can count on you if he ever needs a ride home because he is too drunk to drive or his buddies are and 3) that you are not judging him because he drinks but rather just are afraid of the situation because of your family and want to ensure that he is safe.

Al-Anon would be a good thing for you to check out. They'll give you support and knowledge that you need to survive an alcoholic family. There are also a couple boards here that you might check out:

Alcohol Problems
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhalcohol

And Children of Alcoholic Parents
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhchildalcoh

The people there might be able to give you some advice or support that no one here can.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo