All Mixed Up - Give Him a Chance or Not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
All Mixed Up - Give Him a Chance or Not?
1
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 2:45pm
Hi Sherry,

My name is Jessica. I'm 25 and I've always been sure of my innermost feelings regarding what I desire in a relationship...that is up until now. I'm thoroughly confused over a particular guy I come across on a weekly basis. Here's my dilemma: I'm Black-American and I've ALWAYS, ever since I was a little girl, known that I wanted an interracial marriage. I love diversity and want it to be part of my most personal life. I'll refrain from stating which race I prefer to marry, but please know that this is just my personal preference, and that I don't harbor any resentment or discomfort against my own race (if I had all the money needed to drastically change my appearance, I wouldn't. I love the way I look, and I have scores of Black friends - male and female). I don't have a problem attracting guys of the race I want to "hook up" with. I'm just forever intrigued and deeply admire the many harmonious interracial couples I see, and I desperately want that for myself and my future kids. Anyway, there's a shortage (of next to no one) of the type of guy who I'd like to take serious interest in me. The guy who I really went "ga-ga" over has recently moved away. He never knew I liked him - I've been burned before by pursuing, so I don't pursue anymore. But there's this one guy - a Black guy - who has always been so polite and super-friendly to me everytime we see eachother. I'm going through a difficult time right now and he's offered some really great suggestions and support. He kind of makes me feel like a princess, you know, really special. And I think he's interested in me. However, he's not attractive to me at all. He's not ugly, but he's not drop-your-mouth-open fine either (like Quddus on MTV, or Smallville's Tom Welling). There's something about him that I'm strangely drawn to, and I'm trying to fight it. Lately, I've even been fantasizing about him. But he just CAN'T be the one for me! I'ts like I'm torn; part of me says,"See where it goes", while another part of me says,"NO! You want INTERRACIAL devotion, don't blow this lifelong dream!" I don't know what to do, or what to think....help...help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:17pm
I understand where you are coming from. I too have specific interests in the type of men i am attracted to. i was going through a rough time after a bad break up and i met this guy who just happened to have every physical attribute i am not attracted to in a man. At first i decided to just have fun but he too treated me like a princess and so i gave in. I have nevr been happier and more in love. Sometimes what we want is not what we are supposed to have. I say just enjoy him and let him treat you like you deserve to be treated. See where it goes.