All Women Money Hungry?
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| Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:03pm |
i know it's sensitive, but, it's where the rubber meets the road, and this is a forum
to do so.
do women generally go after men, for long term relationships, because of how much they make? will they forgo a relationship with a middle-class income man, to whom they're attracted to and have chemistry with, in order to be with a upper-class man, to whom they're less attracted too, less fulfilled with, but the comfort of a good life is there?
i hate to sound bitter and mean about this, but, this seems to be a recurring theme in my life. no, it's not the women i go out with, i've gone out with all different types, so, discard that notion.
are some women raised to believe, from their parents to media, that they need to find a major money maker so they will hear the three little words ...'quit your job'?
i don't understand it. it's sad. you'd think by now, most women would learn that money has nothing to do with love and fulfillment, but in the end, it's nice to have a huge house and not to have to work? is living in middle class so bad? it's having to work such a nightmare?
your thoughts please

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It's not a gender issue. What people prioritize and value - is what they seek.
Unfortunately, most people today tend to "rebound" in life - like a ball in a racquetball court because they refuse to get to nkow themselves well and to determine their own wants and needs vs. that of the stipulations and definitions of others.
I know I did it four times...and it is all simply about wanting something you don't think you can get on your own (money, position, power, etc.) and prioritizing that over all else - getting with someone who provides it...while they lack the other qualities that you need, want, desire, and require in a mate. And you'll stick with it - until you can't "stand" whatever it is you first prioritized to be the 'top priority'....because what you haven't got becomes what you obsessively focus on and begin to prioritize.
At which time...you'll think money doesn't matter, it's not important, it didn't make me happy - and they take up with some one is the polar opposite of what the other person was. They might be fun, spontaneous, good looking - but not financially sound, professionally established or even having any stability in life as a result of it. And you go of to Mexico and Vegas for spontenous weekends, you do all sorts of fun and glamorous things..while they totally ignore life responsiblities and requirements - only to the point where you're "fixing thier problems' - their credit card debt, their lack of funding to make ends me...and at some point you think "my God, I've GOT to get with someone that is financially sound and secure because I can't fix this person, and they nver quit spending and going and doing, and we're neer going to have anything if I stay in this mess."
So, they get out without any regard, prioritization or value on the good qualities in that person...and most importantly the personal traits that they need and desire in a mate...and they find the next stable, stolid, "paunchy" guy and think "ah, peace and relaxation" because he's doing the providing, planning, preparing, and follow thru as far as 'life requirements" go - and they stick with that till it's so boring I can't stand it, and he's not nearly good looking enough to be considered attractive."..and they're off for another loser.
women do it - men do it...it's because "serial monogamy" has become acceptable and it's had to - because rarely anymore do people choose a partner based on admiration, respect, acceptance, and understanding of that person - as an individual. They get al hot and bothered and making commitment early based on "waht I need that I haven't got and can't get on my own that iwth them I will have."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Sheri
Texas Rose
Lots of women are only interested in men who have money. They prioritize money and they seek out men who can afford them the lifestyles they prefer...for instance, I know women who want to be stay-at-home mothers and they only date men who can afford that.
Personally, I have forgone a high paying job to work for a charity bc I have different goals in life. If I never own a "house", I will still have a home and be happy. My bf has also given up a high paying job to work in a lower, less stress one. And I know that if both keep our careers, we will not be able to afford a house and two cars (I dont' even own a car). This is our choice and we make it happily.
The point? There ARE women like me out there. You obviously are not finding us. I met my bf online...I am not the "trophy" wife type...I don't even wear makeup...etc...so ALOT of superficial men used to say to me "I'd date you if"...I did this or that...and I would always laugh and know they aren't the guy for me!
Go.
I know that I do look for a modicum of financial stability...meaning the guy pays his bills, isn't in debt up to his ears and has a little money for playtime.
Michelle
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis
In a word: NO.
Start
ok, now, hopefully that's settled. wheewww.
i should've added where i live in the opening statement, i live in the 2nd largest banking center in the country. there's lots of old and new money, and this town is pretty pretentious, where image means more than substance. now, i know you may not believe that other members of your gender are like this, but, believe it, they are.
and as far as me being the 'Common Denominator', in all this, i think it's silly. i'm college educated, professional, attractive, 32, never married, no kids. i'm looking for someone of similar background, and no, she doesn't need to be a playboy bunny either, just someone who's somewhat in the same situation as i am. not too much too ask, i think.
but i can tell you this, if i do meet someone, and she wants to have kids, in order to live a nice lifestyle...NOT ELABORATE!...she'll probably have to go back to work. period.
'GO' even said that she has friends that won't go out with anyone unless they can afford to keep the mrs. at home with the kids....go back a few posts and read it.
People do what they do because they want to do it. Their values, priorities and standards justify and entitle them to their actions, feelings, thoughts, decisions, words, ideas and desires at all times. And those same values determine their character, conscience, integrity and honor in every regard and venue.
So situations are but the stage on which we play out our values with our actions, decisions and words.
That said....what is the "type" of women that you're choosing...you're saying that you've never been "dumped over money"...so why the post?
I'd say this..having been around the block both backward and forth with this as an issue....never get emotionally attached to or committed to person lacking in "self-awareness".
Because those people tend to pick partners based on their needs of the moment, with no priority on the future or how situational changes will impact their "needs'.
I've always held with the "window to your life" theory because it worked for me. I lived at one time with a window so small and boarded up that it would have taken a construction crew with a wrecking ball to get into "survey the damage" - and my life now has a bay window because my life is such a pleasant, enjoyable, successful, secure thing to be living.
So the lifestyle that someone creates for themselves - tells you their values, priorities, and standards. What you're willing to sacrifice, work, expend, and endure for as an individual - it's what you value...as an individual you'll do it without regret or resentment in the long-term - because "this means enough to you".
In that sense, I've always in my "sensible years" - taken at least 9 months to let infatuation fade so that objectively I can review their life and their style of living. I want a myriad of situations an dcircumstances in which to view their actions, decisions nad words which aren't"designed to impress me" - before I become emotionally involved with them, as a person. And for that to be a possibility - I'll have to like, admire, respect, and desire htem "as a person" - not the "entity" that a relationship in my life represents by my definitions and needs and standards.
The less successful, secure, complete, and self-responsible you are- the smaller the window to your life is. You don't want people seeing much of your life in full if at all - you've got plenty ot hide, and you're borrowing from peter to pay paul - and not just monetarily either. Those aren't people I want to get attached to emotionally - to have to detach from for my own long-term well-being and success. So I really do "date" - meaning I don't go out there impressing, pleasing, cavorting and placating...I go out there as myself and we see what happens.
I think if a woman or a man has "money/possessions/positions" as a priority and value and they're not by default a "kennedy" just as an example....they know that they're going to "earn every penny" that they get in an inequality based alliance. And it's just that "earning every penny" doesn't upset them more than "having every penny".
I know several men that perpetually date, get emotionally attached to and eventually marry women that are in transitional periods, or in periods of 'distress'. These women aren't sure who they are, what they stand for, where they're headed or how they're going to get there - but they're acutely aware of the needs that they've got, the responsibilities they don't perceive they can meet, and they're not clear that a "relationship doesn't make them someone they're not." The men involving themselves with them like to perceive themselves as "Henry Higgins" and "Father Knows Best" all rolled into one.
They put her in a position of opportunities, options, situations, and benefits that alone she could NEVER get - an thus has probably never envisioned would be hers to ever have. They do upgrades to her lifestyle - and since people in "need" lack objectivity, discernment and balance - she's not astutte enough to tell the difference between "him and it". (it being hte options, lifestyle, and opportunities of course). All she knows initialy is that she "likes this alot"...this being everything as it is right now, with no other options before her and lots of obligations upon her.
However, situations change..and as they do those women tend to realize that in order to have all the benefits of this alliance - there are certain standards and requirements she's got to uphold, meet, and share. When this was all about "get" - it was great...and now that it involves work, sacrifice, endure - it's not "all that plus some".
Since what she got into a relationship for was to "get" and to become someone she's not...the second that she's got to "give" - she realizes that she's still is who she was in the beginning pre-relationship. So, what she came for she can't get..and as a result she doesn't stay.
Don't rescue people from themselves.......the best case scenario is that you're replaced with someone more monied, more optioned, more attractive, or more charming than you once the "benefit of you" is outdistanced by the "obligation/requiremnt/responsibility of being with you. The worst case scenario is that she drags you down ot her level...because nobody can rise above the common denominator standard between you that you share.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Sheri
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