Almost a month together..still unsure...

Avatar for marsgen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Almost a month together..still unsure...
5
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 5:42pm

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate your impressions regarding where my relationship is going.

We met a month ago. He called me the next day and right away set up another date. He took me to see the Nutcracker which I had told him I wanted to see. After that, we so each other almost every day for a few days. We even toasted New Years Eve together.

Then his mother passed away in the evening on the 1st of January and he left to see her one final time. She lived 5 hours away and he had to spend a few days there. What was really remarkable is even through his pain he called me every day and he even drove back here to see me before having to go back for the funeral.

After the holidays ended, we saw each other only on the week-ends, but he still called almost every day. There maybe a day per week he did not call. He always planned ahead of time to spend the whole week-end with me.

We just spent a really nice week-end together, but yesterday he did not call. So I am worried now. I am starting to like him and I don't want it to end. The thing is he still has never told me I was officially his girlfriend and that he was not seeing anyone else.

He does hug me a whole lot and he gives me a lot of tender kisses. He hardly French kisses me though if that means anything.

Thanks for listening.

He is 39 and I am 36.

Hugs,

Gen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 5:45pm
It sounds like he cares for you but he is greiving still for his mother since it has not been a month since she passed away I would say so far so good if he was not in to you he wouldnt be driving to see you but since he is spending his weekends with you chances are he is still into you just be patient with him

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:49am

What exactly are you expecting to be "sure" about with someone you haven't even been seeing for a month, *especially* with a man who just lost his mother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:23pm

For Pete's sake ... Cut the guy some slack!! His mother just died 24 days ago. He's bound to be going thru a lot of emotions, good days and bad days ... and on those bad days, he may not be thinking about calling you. He may be more focused on his grief and missing his mother. For you to be worrying or wondering about where your relationship is going is ... well, its rather selfish.

Grieving is a process, there's no timeframe or set in stone rules for how people process it ... people go thru the stages, in and out of the stages of grief. That can also make for some unpredictable behaviors from those who are grieving ... he may be reaching out one day, and in a cave the next.

But, the bottom line is ... that has NOTHING to do with you!

You have a tremendous opportunity here to be understanding and compassionate ... to be there for him and to be his friend ... or you can be inwardly focused and only thinking about "where is this going" and things of that nature.

Even without the death of his mother, at only a MONTH of knowing each other, there's nothing to be SURE about yet! It's only been a month. sheesh.

Honestly, I think you're expecting and/or wanting a lot ... in general, not even considering the fact that he's grieving his mother's death.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 2:50pm

Oh good grief!! After dating a week you were out here asking where this relationship was "going" because less than a week after his mother DIED he felt like going to bed instead of hanging out with you one night. You obviously made it past that miniscule obstacle to date another two weeks.

Hon, you need to cut this poor man some slack and stop worrying so much! It has been a MONTH and in that time, HIS MOTHER DIED! and you had the holidays. Those are two stressful things for people. So what if he didn't call you yesterday!!!!! He has a right to go a day without talking to you! Even if it was just after a really nice weekend you spent together. It does NOT mean that it is ending because he went 24 hours or even 48 hours without talking to you! You have been going out a month! At this stage, it SHOULD be casual and talking every day is not necessary. However, if YOU feel it is required that he call you every single day, then you need to tell him your insecurities and that you need him to call you every day to reassure you of this relationship. While that is the flat out truth and I am being a bit sarcastic here, that is what this truly is. But seriously, if you need him to call you every day, tell him. But because you are NOT his girlfriend yet and you are NOT necessarily exclusive, IMO, that is a lot to ask of him.

You seriously need to chill out. You need to figure out why you need such validation from him to keep you from "worrying". If it had been a week without him contacting you, or heck, even 4-5 days, then YES you could be slightly concerned that something was going on with HIM. But you are SO focused on YOU and where this relationship is going that you fail to see what might be going on with HIM. You are being very selfish in this whole thing. It's not all about you!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:23pm

He is going through a very hard time and the two of you , which I'm sure is impacting him greatly. Also while the two of you are still "new" you are not brand new as in he is incorporating the relationship in to his life. He may be a little scared too, am I getting too serious too fast?

Anyway you do at some point want to have an, are we exclusive conversation, but I'd give him a bit more time and try not to be as upset if things aren't totally the way you're used to them being. Nothing stays exactly the same... but that means things can get much better too. Good luck

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