Almost ready to throw in the towel...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Almost ready to throw in the towel...
1
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 4:59pm
Ok, where do I begin....long story.... he and I first met at 15 and 16 yrs old. Our families are close friends. So through the years we keep in contact a little through the old way , you know, snail mail and phone, we lived over 2000 miles apart...lol Now, at 25 and 26, we are together in the same area. Things I thought would be a lot better than they are....over the years, even though I dated other people and he and I were just friends, I wondered what being with him would be like.

Fast forward, I am here going to university and it's not like what I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad, most of it is wonderful...but there are some things I feel that will break us.

A little history on him, he's 26, just trying to find his way, often depressed because he can't find a job so he can use his degree. Lives away from home but often goes back there to pick up odd jobs with his father and friends for extra money on the weekends. He's had a few relationships, only 3 (before me) and they all ended badly, he was cheated on by the last two girls he was with, he loved them both, he was with one for 2 yrs and the other was 3yrs, so yeah he has baggage even still. His dad (adopted dad) was rough on him, he got beaten on and didn't have much of a childhood. His mom didn't beleive it, and the abuse continued until he got old enough to fight back. Still he constantly seeks out to please his dad, don't understand why but that's another issue I guess...He's the type to get close to someone, then pull back....that drives me nuts....

Me, I'm going to school, I used to be in the military, that's why I am late finishing my degree...I am away from all my family, I come from a single parent family. My dad passed when I was 13 due to a car accident, he was my adopted dad, since I was very young, so to me , he was my dad. He was rough on me when my step sister came into the pick from his pervious marriage. I didn't get treated well after that. Later on in life, I excelled at academics and school functions, I wanted to portray myself to be perfect from a perfect family, hanging with the in crowd and the "doctor's kids". I got into a abusive relationship with a man I loved, he never laid a finger on me til 2 yrs into the relationship, and even after that it was hard for me to leave him. I've had about 5 or 6 serious relationships other than that, none ever working out in the end. I have trust issues I am always afraid to let my guard down. I don't want to get hurt again.

Now for the problem at hand, I stay so confused, he and I have been doing our thing for about 1 year now, we both agreed to take things slowly. So a year really is like 6 months to us, our schedules clash and we see eachother 2 times a week at best.

The sex is the best ever, we both agree on that. We have been intimate for almost a year now and it hasn't gotten old the least bit yet. That is the only department we really do well in ...lol

Communication seems to be the down fall to us, when I want to open up and talk about where this is going, he doesn't. He says thinking about all of that stuff makes his head spin so we usually don't finish the conversation. However, he opens up and talks on forever when he's had a few drinks. I don't know if I can take what he says seriously then though. lol He says he wants to be with me forever and that he wants to go places in life with me, that I am not like anyone he's ever met and I am amazing. That he wishes that he could be with me more permanently, but he just doesn't have the time. Ok, I don't have alot of time either, but why not atleast try. The way I see it, when you want something bad enough, you will go after it regardless. He doesn't seem to understand that concept, he would be happy being just where we are 50 yrs down the road I think! I tell him that we should either make a serious go at things or not at all, he seems to really agree with me at the time but things never change.

He's not the most reliable man either, like a few times, he's made plans and canceled them an hour late or not show up at all. I get upset, because I feel like a little consideration would be nice. Sure things come up and granted he does always have a truthful and valid reason but it wouldn't take 5 seconds to give me the heads up which sometimes he doesn't do. There's other things, but what it boils down to is that I feel like he is reliable to everyone else in his life EXCEPT me and that really hurts.

I'm almost at my end with him, I love him so much, I haven't told him that formally, but I hope that through the things I do for him that he does realize that....but I can't keep going on like this. I do feel that he cares for me alot, it's just that I am not so important to him (or I don't feel like it)...What can I do? PLEASE HELP



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:23am
Hello phoenix, welcome to the board!