an aloof guy asking ladies perspective

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
an aloof guy asking ladies perspective
3
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 9:57pm

ok. this is after a long time i am asking any thing on this board. Not that i dont value women's opnions ..I had just cut off my self from dating..and when i mean cut off it means I stopped trying any thing to do with dating ..to mention i am a date virgin.I have not dated. but lost every other kind of virginity (lets just say only thing i have not done is gone on a date ..real or fake one)

I have many problems of which I have solutions but I have not been able to act on them. Like I know that i can get a fitter and look healthier if I exercise and I eat good. I also know that if i keep a positive attitude and mix up with people i will make good dependable friends. Btw I am in an American College. been here for two years and probably few more in graduate school after i graduate in 6 months. After then i go back where i came from Pakistan (no i dont treat women bad, i am not a terrorist in fact i am a really power less person)

all problems aside (the only thing which i dont have any lack of) i decided to give dating a shot once more. After being clueless for most of my life what are girls (I have lived and been educated in all male schools and college except last 2 years)I am understanding few things.
I am trying to get positive attutude part of my life. A few days ago i dressed up well and I just couldnt help smiling cause after a long time i was feeling good about my self.

Here is the question : what should i do to make women or a single one part of my life. I dont have many friends to begin with. And i have communication issues. All women I know are girlfriends of my acquantices..not even friends.
I just cant muster up the courage to go and talk to some one without being shot down in class. I think that most people ignore me or avoid me cause i am different ..but again its just my thought.
Also I have a serious reservation about asking out some one. I know that in my custom I would marry some one probably my mother would chose. Thats how things work out for us. Even though she is giving me the talk but I am not ready yet to just commit to some one i only know by name.So if i ask some one out it with total intention of leading up to no where at all. I some times reason to my self that it is not bad to be in love for the moment and have the Ms Right Now for a while and live a normal life in my ZipCode. But not growing up in a ZipCode has got me totally confused. I want to date but I cant. Like all warm blooded male I would appreciate companionship in private and public ..but then i say that since i know its not going to work ..its bad. What should I do?

I have two options..sit tight like a saint ..welll not saint to be honest..you girls probably know how a lonley male can waste himself?

Or be engaging?
I think the second one is better ..and how should i proceed. Tell me your expereices with Multiethnic/college dating. Casual companaion ships and confused guys. I dont usually write long essays ..bear with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:03am
I absolutely don't believe in using people for romantic purposes without having any intention of marrying them. I don't think it is ethical at all. Please give some thought to the ethics of your situation. Maybe there are some women at your college that your mom would approve of for marital purposes that you could date? I assume your mom wants you to marry a Pakistani? Maybe there is a Pakistani or foreign students association on your campus. Look into it. Good luck! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 12:50pm

so the answer is NO

well there is no one here for me then.
I am not surprised by your answer ..it is unethical and against my relegious beliefs to use people.

But then again I question my ethics and my beliefs ..cause thats is what a reasonable person should do before adopting them.

So two three years of solitary confinement ..aint that bad after all

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 6:56pm

Hi Geo,

While I agree with Iri that you should not use someone for romantic purposes only, I certainly don't think you should have to endure 2-3 years of seeing no one because you may only be able to marry someone of your culture. What I would suggest is that if you ask someone out and she agrees, tell her on the first date that you would like to enjoy her company but make her aware that this will not lead to marriage or anything very serious. Don't tell her maybe it won't work, tell her it won't if you have no intentions of marrying anyone that isn't Pakistan or chosen by your family. While many women might not want to see you after you tell them, you might find one that will not mind living in the for the now. You will never know until you ask. Good luck to you. Lucy