Alright to fight for someone you love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Alright to fight for someone you love?
8
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:21am

I’ve seen a post somewhat like my own problem but then it’s a bit different.... sorry if it’s a bit long

I’ve known this guy for a while... and even the first time we met there was this real “strong” attraction between us. But at that time both of us were dating other people rather seriously (he was in a 5yr old relationship... and mine was 2yrs) so naturally nothing happened between us and we remained just friends.

But then about 1month back I had to move out of my apartment and had to look for a new place and till I found one... he offered to let me stay at his place. And gradually we became real close friends... though just platonic only (I stayed in guest room). But along with that we started to get a bit physical too.... there were some hugs and cuddles here and there... and I used to fall asleep on his bed...while watching late night movies... and then stay the whole night there... but then there was nothing “sexual” about it, and we never mentioned or talked about it the next morning.

Then we went on this trip together for different reasons (his was business... and me... I just tagged along because it was a place I had been dying to visit for a long time). And then we started to get even more close... until there came this point where we almost kissed. I really wanted to let it happen... but I knew he was dating someone else...

He had broken up with his long time girlfriend about 1 year back... and recently had dated someone “seriously” when he had gone home for his holidays (we both are studying abroad) and since then had kept in touch with her by email. (I even heard rumors they were going to marry). He’s been real hurt by the last relationship... and this new girl is the exact opposite of his ex.... docile, submissive, sweet etc. .... in word “safe”... while I tend to resemble his ex a lot... in terms of being independent and outgoing and all that.

I really want this guy... I even think he might be “the one”... and I know that he’s really attracted to me too (but maybe afraid too because of my resemblance to his ex) ... but I’m afraid to pursue anything because he is involved with someone already. But do u think it’s alright to fight for something you want.... something you believe is yours? (I’ve never felt this much connected or attracted to anyone before... )

Please help me... I’m so so confused....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 6:20am
Well it is clear you are attracted to him, but I am not seeing in your post where he is attracted to you. If he was, I think you would be his girlfriend. He has certainly had ample opportunity with you and has chosen not to act on it. I think if you want to be in a relationship you should move on and find a man who is genuinely interested in dating you. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:25am

He's not yours; he's with his long-distance girlfriend. And that should tell you something: even though you're in the same city (and house!) as him and completely available, he has chosen to maintain a long-distance relationship, even though it's hard work, rather than date you.

It sounds to me that he misses the daily interactions of having a girlfriend (such as cuddling, hugging, relaxing while watching movies), and so you have helped fill that void. But his heart and emotions belong to another girl, not you.

You don't want to be a mere bedwarmer or become the other woman, so you really need to move on and find someone that wants you to be the only woman in his life. He isn't it.

And, no, to answer your question, I do not think it is okay to fight for someone who is taken. I have too much self-respect for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:52am

I've been in your shoes before.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 12:10pm

Country girl,


That was very well put and helps me with my own situation currently with my office romance. I am putting myself out there for the CFO and unfortunately legally I believe he is in no position to date me whatsoever although there is an attraction. He is extremely bright and intelligent and I am sure, for a matter of fact he has

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 1:42pm

The thing of it is, if someone is *truly* yours, you'll never have to "fight" for them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:03pm

IB,


You are so right. There is that saying: "If you let something go and it comes back to you it is yours forever!" I believe that is true. If the two of you are meant to be "Hell nor High Water can keep you apart!!!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:20pm
....."But I still need and want to be in love again.".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 12:15pm
I definately think you should fight for him. Well maybe not fight but just dont give up. As every one seems to believe if its meant to be it will happen. But when who knows. If he genuinely cares for you I am sure the day will come when he is ready to cut ties with his present girlfriend. I would still be a little guarded because you can put yourself in a bad position if you focus soley on him and what you "think" may or may not be. Believe me I have pined over a guy who didnt give me any incling that we would be a couple, but I still didnt give up. Sent notes every now and then and called just to say I was thinking of him. So far it hasnt worked but in your case you seem to see him often, I say go for it. Maybe talk to him about her and see if he will open up and tell you if he sees a future with her or not. You dont want to wait forever. good luck