Always on the go

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Always on the go
6
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:08pm
I just started dating this guy about a month ago and he is amazing, I have known him about 4 months! My only issue is he just does what he wants, whenever. We had plans to meet at a local bar last night after I got off work. He said if I am not at the bar go back to my place. So I went to his place and he was not there. I tried calling and he would not answer. I know he was with his buddies and they tend to get really torn up when they are out. This is not the only time it has happened. I know that he is into me. He is so sweet and he always says how much he likes me. We really seem to have a strong connection with one another. And I love that we are not tied down and he could careless that I do drinking at the clubs with my girlfriends. To tell the truth I have never had so much trust in a guy I have dated before him. But how do I let him know that when he has plans with me and skips out, it sucks! without sounding like a nag? I really like this guy. I like the freedom we have with each other, but what he did was a little shady.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:15pm
The only suggestion I have is not to chase. If he is not where he is supposed to be, go home! Don't call to find out where he is and when he calls you to find out where you are, dont pick up. Wait a day or two. Show him that you are not going to chase him around. If he wants to see you, he will stick to his word, or atleast call you to let you know that his plans changed. If he doesnt have the respect or curtosey to do this for you now, he might not ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:17pm
Don't wait around for this guy. I agree with angeerexi. If he's not where he says he'll be then don't call and don't go searching for him. Go to the first place he says he'll be and if you can't find him there then go home or go out with your other friends. Don't be willing to see him any time he wants you to. Let him chase you for a while - it'll get him more interested for one thing and he'll respect you more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:54pm
My friends say to play hard to get. I am not very good at this dating thing and playing hard to get. I guess I should let you know a little more about this guy and I. We had "the talk" you know the one about if we are going to see other people or just each other. He says he is looking for a long term relationship and he could have that with me. We are only dating each other. He is so great, but just up and going is enough to drive someone insane. He is leaving tomorrow to visit his family in Florida. He really wants me to go and meet them, but I can't take that much time off work. He says he will really miss me while he is gone and he really would love for me to be able to go. He says that next year I have to go.

So he makes future plans with me in it. I don't want to play too much hard to get. That WILL turn a guy off. UHH this dating thing sucks! I hate playing games.

What ever happened to the 3rd grade DO YOU LIKE ME X Yes or NO or MAYBE



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:08pm
Trust me, I agree that dating is hard. I am having issues myself with a guy that I am talking to. I am not saying play totally hard to get...alls I am saying is don't chase him from place to place looking for him in a night. I mean if he wants you to meet him, go and meet him. All I meant was that if he isnt where he said he was going to be, why should to run around town trying to find him? Atleast make it interesting. He should try to find you from time to time. Its really hard that dating has to be so much of a game. I really hate to play the game and I have tried on many occassions to just not play it and be straight forward with who I am and what I want. Apparently, guys can't handle that. Maybe its the whole male instinct and the desire to hunt and catch what they want. I don't know. I wish I did. Since you guys have had the "talk" and he is taking about meeting his family and whatnot, then maybe you should just tell him straight that you dont appreciate him not being where he says when he asks you to meet him. If you can have open discussions about your relationship, then that should not be hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:22pm
You are so right I should be able to have an open conversation with him. You just never know if it will scare a guy off or not. I wish dating was much simpler.

What was really pathetic about the evening is that he called my best friend, to set her up on a date with a friend of his. She asked me to go ahead to the bar and give him a "once over". She was glad she didn't come straight out to the bar with me, not a very good first impression.

Honestly, I think this guy is so use to doing what ever he wants to do, that he does not consider other peoples feelings. And that is just something I will have to decide if I want to put up with. My friend and I call him "The Free Spirit" I wish boys could act more like girls, in the sense that they usually are forward about what they want and don't lead people on and play games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:57pm
I think that you need to tell him a little more about how you expect him to treat you. You know that he's a *free spirit* but that doesn't mean he can't deal out simple RESPECT. If he wants to make plans to meet up for a drink, great- but shouldn't start saying, "if I'm not there...". Either he wants to meet up or he doesn't. If you do go and he's not there, find something else to do- don't just go home and hope he'll call or go out and try to find him. If he's made a plan, no matter how tentative, it's up to HIM to call and say he can't make it. That's plain, old fashioned respect. Remind him of that, and that you deserve it from him, if he can't be bothered, then you can't be bothered with him...

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