Always the victim of professional daters
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Always the victim of professional daters
| Wed, 12-05-2007 - 2:39pm |
I could really use some guidance on this. First off, I'm a guy, mid 20s, and for some reason, "professional daters" always seem to target me. I don't know why, but for some reason, girls talk to me, act like they're interested in me, give me their phone numbers and let me spend my hard-earned time, money and energy taking them on dates, sometimes several at a time, only to tell me they want to be friends. Not even a measly kiss in return!
I can't tell you how many hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, I've spent taking girls who acted like they were interested in me out but were only looking for a free night on the town.

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HUH?! She owes you NOTHING other than Thank You. YOu made the decision to drop that kind of money on her with the expectation that it would get you something? Little wonder you are finding women who are looking to 'get something' from you. And little wonder they are hitting the road so soon.
what is coming across in your post is that you spend lots of money to impress women with the expectation that they owe you something for it.
Toni
>I've probably spent between $300 and $400 taking this girl out. She owes me MUCH MORE than just a kiss.<
This statement might be the root of your problem, if you believe this, women will pick up on it. It may take a few dates, but they will figure it out and book. You're not doing these things to be nice and because you like her, you're doing them as a means to an end. Women can sense that. Anything that you give should be given freely without regard for whether or not it will be returned to you (that's why they call it giving).
This is the equivalent of a woman saying "But I had sex with him, he OWES me a wedding ring!"
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Edited 12/6/2007 4:42 pm ET by yogagirl2006
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
"I've probably spent between $300 and $400 taking this girl out. She owes me MUCH MORE than just a kiss."
I haven't read all of the responses to this thread, I had to stop and reply to this comment of yours. I feel that, bingo, you laid out the reason why this is happening to you right there, perhaps your attitude about $ and affection. I can certainly sense when a guy has this approach..my affection (that includes physical affection) can't be bought. I like when my dates with guys are simple and don't' require a lot of money. Later when we get closer we can enjoy expensive places together if we choose to but that is not central to the relationship.
Edited 12/6/2007 10:41 am ET by imwonderingnow
>Oh don't be redonculous!<
You took the words right out of my mouth! Great minds think alike. ;)
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Edited 12/6/2007 4:43 pm ET by yogagirl2006
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
"A li'l tip on what most women wants for a date (but not generally!):
1.) A guy should be attractive enough.. Like you guys, most women looks for attractive guys to date with.. as for looks, a guy should be well kempt (though some women prefers rough and rugged manly look)..
2.) A guy should be a good conversationalist but can also be a man of few words..;) in short..be tactful at same time..
3.) Intelligent and smart (not the geeky or nerd type).. knows how to carry himself in different situations.
4.) Nothing beats a sweet and romantic guy who knows his moves...But a li'l warning...be genuine! if a girl found out you're fooling around..she'll dump you with a slap on face...
5.) A guy with nice and interesting job! no one wants to date with an unemployed right?
6.) A guy who saves his "inner heart" for best.. I mean if a guy comes in a great package with goodlooks, intelligence, great job with attitude, but without heart or being unkind..then it's an ultimate turn-off!
7.) On dates, its even nice if you don't spill all the info bout you to a girl 'cause she might lose interests on the process..keep a li'l secret so she might get on the edge of her sit for you!...everyone loves a li'l mystery..
8.) Be manly but gentle at same time... most girls fall for a manly man with gentle attitude on women.. I mean we hate guys who ar rough and rude to us!
9.) Don't pretend to be someone you're not... be yourself but keep your bad side in discretion. (yeah everyone has bad sides but keep working on it and be a better person each time..=)
10.) Charm and sex-appeal.. yeah it works a lot!! LOL =P"
This is quite a checklist you're giving me here. Most guys just want a girl who's good looking and knows how to cook. Where to begin?
"2.) A guy should be a good conversationalist but can also be a man of few words..;) in short..be tactful at same time.. "
If only I could get the opportunity to show my conversation skills. So many of the girls I meet go on and on and on and on about themselves. I have to interject and interupt them to talk about my own hobbies, accomplishments and so forth to compare with them, but they rarely inquire further and go on about themselves.
"4.) Nothing beats a sweet and romantic guy who knows his moves...But a li'l warning...be genuine! if a girl found out you're fooling around..she'll dump you with a slap on face..."
Ummm.... What exactly do you mean by being "genuine" and "fooling around." When I move in for the kiss, I'm being "genuine" in that I'm expressing my attraction and desire to kiss her. So why do they back away? And what constitutes "fooling around"?
"5.) A guy with nice and interesting job! no one wants to date with an unemployed right?"
I work at furniture emporium.
"10.) Charm and sex-appeal.. yeah it works a lot!! LOL =P"
Well of course charm and sex-appeal works. Problem is, what is "Charm" and what is "sex-appeal"? So many differing girls are charmed by many different things, and the things presented to us as "charm" in movies and television comes off as cheesy in real life.
"This statement might be the root of your problem, if you believe this, women will pick up on it. It may take a few dates, but they will figure it out and book. You're not doing these things to be nice and because you like her, you're doing them as a means to an end."
Well, yes it is a means to the end, but how does that exclude the possibility that I like her. I like her, I want to be with her, so I take her out in hopes she'll want to be with me as well.
"Women can sense that. Anything that you give should be given freely without regard for whether or not it will be returned to you (that's why they call it giving)"
Well, then these women are idiots if they think I'm treating them to a night on the town as an act of kindness and don't want anything in return. I'm a guy, she's a girl. I'm taking her out, just the 2 of us, to eat, to drink, to dance.
How dumb does a girl have to be to think a guy who goes out of they way to do all this for her just wants to be friends and nothing more? Does she really think he takes all his guy friends dancing and dining 1 at a time and pays for all of them?
If a guy asks you out, offers to pay, then it should clearly be obvious to you that he's interested in you and wants to date you. And even if he is the one who choses to take you to an expensive place and pay for everything, you still shouldn't let him if you're not interested in exploring everything further.
If you're not interested in a guy, let him know. Don't send us mixed signals and don't let us spend OUR hard-earned time and money taking you out if you don't want us.
Edited 12/7/2007 3:08 pm ET by megadose
I've dated men who've been been burned by women like this, and I've also known women who did this. Being a gold digger is completely uncool.
I'd try this approach if I were having this problem: have your first date in a coffee shop. Coffee shops are perfect first date locations. They are quiet, the atmosphere is cozy, and very conducive to conversation. In an environment like that you can get to know each other without a lot of distractions, and without sacrificing a lot of time, energy, or money up front. And if the date goes well, by all means, you can carry it beyond coffee by going to dinner at nearby bistro or other small cafe where you can continue your conversation. IMO, the first few dates should be 75% talking and listening, 25% activity. December is a good month to go to events in town because of holiday festivities, so that might be an option, too.
Another date idea that would accomplish the same goal would be a wine tasting. Nice atmosphere, invites conversation, as well as creative and impressive. Save this one for a 3rd or 4th date.
You might have better luck with lower profile dates for two reasons, 1)you'll weed out anyone who is only interested in your money; and 2) if someone doesn't work out after a couple of dates, the only thing you will have lost is a little time, and not so much on the money and energy.
Good luck!
An idea:
Blah!
Sorry, I misread your post, I thought you were suggesting I blind-date.
Edited 12/7/2007 3:26 pm ET by megadose
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